Hot Flashes & Red High Heels

Wordless Wednesday...partying like we were 16 again :)

2012-01-25T19:16:00.000-08:00

Amazed!

2012-01-23T19:32:00.000-08:00

I stand absolutely by the work God is doing around me! That's all :).

How Can I Keep from Singing Your Praise by Chris Tomlin:

There is an endless song

Echoes in my soul

I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come

I am holding on

To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise

How can I ever say enough

How amazing is Your love

How can I keep from shouting Your name

I know I am loved by the King

And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes

In the darkest night

For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You

Knowing You'll see me through

And sing the songs You give

How can I keep from singing your praise? How can I ever say enough, how amazing is your love? How can I keep from shouting your name? I know i am loved by the king, and it makes my heart want to sing

I can sing in the troubled times

Sing when I win

I can sing when I lose my step

And fall down again

I can sing 'cause You pick me up

Sing 'cause You're there

I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord

When I call to You in prayer

I can sing with my last breath

Sing for I know

That I'll sing with the angels

And the saints around the throne

how can i keep from singing your praise how can i ever say enough how amazing is your love how can i keep from shouting your name a know i am loved by the king and it makes my heart i am loved by the king and it makes my heart i am loved by the king and it makes my heart want to sing

God is Great...Meet Anna Gray!

2012-01-19T11:36:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. A dear friend of mine from high school began the adopition process for the 2nd time last summer and God very quickly put a beautiful little girl in their path, Anna Gray. There have been several set backs and God has moved some major mountains over the last couple of months that led to today. They were finally able to meet their daughter, and what a beautiful daughter she is. She has an extra chromosome which makes her extra special and a head full of blonde hair that was initially in the form of a mohawk and a dark shade of black. God made her unique and special and I know she will be loved by the family God picked out for her in the form

of the West's.

The one thing that I've grown to admire about Amber is her faith in God. We had talked about adoption since they had also adopted Brynn & Cale but we really started talking when they decided to begin the process again. If you read Amber's blog you'll find that she has put all of this in his hand's. The timing has been on God's. Though she may not know it, she's given me the strength to be patient. Being single, there are somethings that I want to do like get my car paid off as well as a few other things so that when I do welcome a child into my future home I'll be debt free and a lack of vacation or sick days wont keep me from choosing to spend a day at home. Not to mention, there is a possiblity that God is going to put a spouse in my pathway that would only make life more complete. The one thing I do know is that if God has a child ready in 6 months for me then he'll make mountains move for that to happen or it could be a year or two down the road. Either way I'll be waiting and sharing in the joys of other babies and children making it to their forever homes!

Welcome to your forever family Anna Gray! Welcome Home!

Fill in the blank Friday...on Saturday

2012-01-14T05:33:00.000-08:00

So my sister did Fill in the Blank Friday last week and I thought it was neat and it was a fun blog post so I decided to do this week and then Saturday was here before I realized it. Let's just say I had an eventful Friday that I won't go into detail on. Just take my word for it.

1. The last thing I ate was Beef and Cheddar from Arby's. So not on my diet but I didn't really have a taste for anything and it was quick and on my way home .

2. The last song I listened to was You and I by Lady Gaga. I know real good, huh, but something about it makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs. I honestly think it's the beat more than anything .

3. Using the letters in my name I can spell Jon, Dan, Ran, On, No, Jan, an, Don, Darn.

4. If I had to dress in one color for the rest of my life I would pick probably yellow or navy blue. Don't know why but I'm just really into those colors right now .

5. If you were to look in my bag right now you'd find make-up, pens, pencils, my Erin Condren life planner, chapstick, meds, epipen, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, lip gloss, wallet, cellphone, Be Enchanted lotion, contacts, eye drops, too many reciepts .

6. When I finish filling in the blanks I'm going to get ready for Amanda's s .

7. My all time favorite song to dance to is hmmm, not real sure, probably a theme song on Disney or Nick Jr, lol since the only person I've been dancing with is my 4 year old cousin lately .

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Adoption Story: Homeless to Hope

2012-01-12T19:33:00.000-08:00

This video is about 18 minutes long but so incredibly touching. God has his hand in everything and what a beautiful story he is writing through adoption! I will warn you that you'll need a tissue or two.

\Chapel's Adoption Story | the feature from stillmotion on Vimeo.

Watch out Weight Loss, I'm on the fast track!!!

2012-01-08T06:03:00.000-08:00

So I might have mentioned in my New Year's resolutions that I'm signed up to run the Music City 1/2 marathon. I'm determined. No we're not going to run the whole thing because let's face it, I'd rather walk over hot coals then do that but we are going to alternate. I'm also hoping this is going to jump start the majority if not alot of my weight loss. If it does then I might be brave like a lot of bloggers are doing and post my before and after weight.

Pictures before? Never! Pictures After? Most definitely!

What I Love Wednesday

2012-01-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Wednesday! I've decided to link back up with Jamie at

This Kind of Love for...

I'm loving...that I completely moved my bedroom around.

I thought I liked it before but I love it now ecspecially this wall where my bed used to be.

I'm loving... this bed skirt. I WILL be making it this weekend!

via

I'm loving... this pillow. I can't wait to make one for my bed.

Via

I'm loving...that when I went to the doctor today the scale ready about 20 lbs less than I though I weigh. I think their scale is broken but I'm going to bask in the glory of that number for tonight and face reality tomorrow.

What are you loving this Wednesday???

- Jordan -

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-04T06:42:00.000-08:00

Somebody thinks she's big stuff now?

Who am I kidding, she is big stuff!

Tasty Tuesday: Southwestern Chicken

2012-01-03T20:18:00.000-08:00

Today I'm joining up with 33 Shades of Green to share a recipe that I found while attending a "Celebrating Home" party. It's the Southwestern Chicken and it is YUMMY! The recipe calls for it to be made in a bean pot that Celebrating Home makes but I've made it in my crock pot too.

Ingredients:

6 chicken breasts

2 cans undrained corn

1 can black beans rinsed & drained

1 16oz jar chunky salsa

Layer each ingredient in the order above in your bean pot or crock pot. Cook 3-4 hours at 350. Sprinkle with 1 cup cheddar cheese and cook additional 5 minutes. Serve over rice with cilantro & sour cream, wrap in a corn tortilla like a taco, or wrap in a tortilla like an enchilda with queso over the top. I'm also thinking about trying it on a salad.

Enjoy and jump on over to 33 Shades of Green for some more yummy recipes!

PS...Want to know what a bean pot is???

Resolution for 2012

2012-01-01T17:10:00.000-08:00

January 1st, 2012. The day that people scramble to make goals that some will keep and some won't. Mine is not necessarily a resolution as it is a lifestyle change.

1) Get Fit

2) Get Healthy

Both will happen because I'm signed up to run the Music City 1/2 Marathon in April!

Know me in real life and see me making unhealthy eating choices? Call me out! Have an idea/tips on how to help keep me on track? Pass it on!

2011 in Review!

2011-12-30T19:56:00.000-08:00

This past year held lots of new adventures for me and I would love to say it was the best one yet but I'm pretty sure the day I step off a plan e with my very own little will probably top any moment I had this year!

January:
The start of the year began with preparing for first niece's baby shower....the frantic craziness to finish getting ready for her.

February:
The month of Winterfest. I love it and look forward to it every year. Have I mention I love these youth kids with all my heart. We also had our 1st big fundraiser in the form of a Valentines Dinner = Success.

March:
March brought the arrival of Ava Elizabeth Waggoner and what a perfect day it was. March entailed a lot of time spent helping my sister and brother-in-law adjust to going from a family of 2 to a family of 3. God definitely blessed our family this month.

March also brought my 1st Adoption Fundraiser...A Yardsale!

April:
April brought the 1st holiday gathering of the year: Easter. Lot's of family time and lots of last minute planning for a family vacation trip that we decided to take at the end of May.

May:
May brought a very busy but fun month. It brought the graduation of 3 of our high school youth group seniors.



It brought the baby shower of one of my very good friends.

It brought our 1st family vacation since I was in high school.

June:
Impact. Enough Said.

July:
Church Camp.

August:
My beautiful niece turned 1/2 year old & we had the 1st of many girls nights at Las!



September:
The craziness of Fall Life begins at work & Ava becomes confused on which SEC team is the best.

October:
High School Retreats, Ava's 1st Halloween, and Katy's 15th Birthday!



November:
Gatlinburg, Breaking Dawn, Thanksgiving, & Shopping.

December:
Lots and lots of parties and fun moments with Ava!



I can't wait to see what 2012 holds!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-28T11:39:00.001-08:00

Pinterest Creations

2011-12-28T07:00:00.000-08:00

I finally brought some of my Pinterest pins to life in the form of Christmas gifts. I of course didn't take pictures and will have to get my sisters to send me some but until then here you go.

The great thing about this bag is I didn't use the pattern. I just altered to what made it easier for me, lol! The pattern was just way too much work and too confusing. I guess that is the artist in me that has to find a way to do it myself and make it mine.

I also turned shutters into jewelry/hair bow holders. They weren't hard but kind of painful when you look at the scratches on my arms and hands from attaching the chicken wire. It was worth it though because they turned out really cute and my sisters loved them! This is a variation but you get the idea of what I was going for. I'm pretty sure these will get lots of uses.

What have you made on Pinterest lately???

Loves- Jordan

Ticket to Chicago? Yes please!

2011-12-27T17:38:00.000-08:00

The title to this post says it all. I'm pretty sure this was one of the best Christmas' in a long time. Not only did we celebrate our Savior's birth but we celebrated Ava's 1st Christmas and my Daddy's birthday.

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is giving. I love picking out a gift that fits perfectly with the recipient. I love the thought process and creativity that is stirred when doing so. This year I went out on a branch and made a few gifts. I of course forgot to take a picture at 12:30 on Christmas morning when I was still up finishing them but I'll show you the pic's I found on Pinterest for inspiration in another post. I'm pretty sure I also purchased my niece's absolute favorite gift, a Baby Alive doll. It giggles and she giggles back and she loves to hug on it!

I also helped my sister in making the decision on riding boots and skinny's by purchasing her both. I loved the boots so much that I spent a little of my own Christmas money and got the grey one's, lol!

Now I know your thinking, what does the title of your blog mean??? It mean's just that! I got a ticket to Chicago from my sister to celebrate my 30th birthday in the windy city in March! YAY ME!!!! I'm so darn excited and can't wait for a girls weekend to celebrate another milestone in my life!

I can't wait to shop on the Magnificent mile. Eat Yummy Chicago pizza. Shop on Magnificent Mile. Check out this great city. Did I mention shop on the Magnificent Mile?!?!?

I hope your Christmas was as good as mine, I hope you felt the true meaning throughout.

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. - Calvin Coolidge

loves - Jordan

Home for the Holidays & A Thousand Years Video

2011-12-21T22:01:00.000-08:00

All I can say is WOW! If you watched it tonight then you know what I mean. If I ever had any doubt that adoption was placed on my heart then those doubts were laid a little more to rest tonight. It didn't push adoption on you, it didn't make you feel like you were a bad person for not wanting to go down the path. It just spoke of hope and honesty. It spoke of what these kids go through on an everyday basis and the emotions that both sides go through. I encourage you to watch it if CBS post the episode to their site or if it post to YouTube.

Though I never would have associated the two until tonight, Christina Perry's "Thousand Year's" is now my favorite song. She sang it tonight and it really does relate to adoption:

"A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Wordless Wednesday!

2011-12-21T08:04:00.000-08:00

30 Before 30 Update....Eek!

2011-12-10T03:50:00.001-08:00

I know there are only about 2 of you that still read this, lol, but cue freak out moment! Not sure if you noticed my tab that states "30 Before 30" but I'm kinda maybe starting to get fidgety on this one. I will be 30 in 112 days. That may seem like a lot of days but it's not and once January 1st hits then it will fly by even quicker. Insert gulping :). Thanks to my friend Emily's comment in July that I did not see (sorry!), I decided to update it.

Luckily I'm somewhat through some of them but I still have a few that I need to accomplish that some of you local girls can help me with and some of my bloggy friends from far off can make suggestions as well:

2. Take a Mission Trip – Saving for this for next summer so maybe a late b-day present to myself???
5. Survive Menopause - According to my doctor this should be over in the next 3- 10 months but the great news is the hot flashes are few and far between which has been my worst symptom.
6. Rent a lake house for the weekend - Really wanting to do this, could not happen till May but as long as I have it booked by my 30th I think I'm safe. Any suggestions?
7. Eat Sweet CeCe's every day for an entire week - Who wants to indulge, lol!
11. Get a tattoo - I already know what I'm getting, it's just getting my brother-in-law to go, lol
12. Get in the best shape of my life - work in progress, I have lost 10 lbs, yay me!
16. Go skiing - tentatively scheduled for January
17. Go on a sleigh ride. - tentatively scheduled for January

23. Take an impromptu weekend trip - Who wants to go?Atlanta? Ikea?
24. Run/Walk the Susan G Komen 3 day race - I will be doing this in October! Yay me! - I didn’t do the 3 day because I had Sinus Surgery but I’m Doing the SGK 5K in Franklin. - Sinus Surgery still enabled me but I will get in some sort of 5K again before the big 3o :)
25. Take a class outside of my comfort level - Suggestions? I did do a Zumba marathon in Feb that was completely out of my comfort zone but it was before the list.
28. Go to at least 2 concerts - I've been to one I just can't remember who, I have menopause brain :).

Que help and suggestions please!

Loves, Jordan

Show Us Your Life: Christmas Recipes

2011-12-09T06:18:00.001-08:00

I thought I would link up to Kelly's Korner for "Show us your Life: Christmas Recipes". After all, it is that time of year when I think everyone is in search of quick, easy, and yummy recipes to take to the many holiday parties and dinners we have to attend, lol!

These are just a few of my favorites...

Santa Clause Brownies

via

I varied these by buying brownies at Sam's, slicing the tip and stem off a strawberry and putting whip cream in between! Easy peezy but very delicious!

BLT Pasta Salad

via

I love anything with a kick so I added a little bit of Ranch Dressing Mix.

Cookie Dough Brownies

This picture is with cheesecake but I've done it with brownies. Super easy, make your favorite brownie mix and drop spoonfuls of chocolate chip cookie dough on top then bake. Delicious!

Skinny Girl Buffalo Chicken Dip

via

I haven't had this one yet but think I'm going to try it tomorrow night!

What yummy recipes do you have to share?

Loves, Jordan

Only 16 days....

2011-12-09T05:31:00.001-08:00

Can anyone else believe it's only 16 days till Christmas! The best part? I've technically not bought a single gift yet other than some fabric to make some gifts I found through my Pinterest Addition. Though I did complete my first 2 Pinterest projects last night for a Dirty Santa party last night and they're pretty cute if I say so myself. I'll post pictures AFTER the party!

16 DAYS

I have been asked several times what I would like for Christmas and really don't have an answer because in all honestly I don't really need anything though these things are on my wishlist :) :

1) An Embroidery Sewing Machine:

2) 147 Million Stuff of course

#3: Jewelry of Course..

I know some of you were probably expecting a baby to be on that list and I pray for that everyday but that will come in God's timing. He's working things out for me and takes me closer each day. Maybe that will be my Christmas present next year!

Loves, Jordan

2011-12-02T09:42:00.001-08:00

This is Jordan, Ava's wonderful Aunt. I hijacked her momma's blog earlier and linked Jessica's blog up to Kelly's Monogram Swap so that maybe we'll find some oh so cute monogrammed clothing for Ms. Ava. After all a girl can never have too many clothes with her name on it so I thought I would link up to it as well so I can do shopping too!

We don't have anything to post right now since Ava is only 9 months old and hasn't gone through a lot of seasons and her mommy isn't ready to part with some of those precious items that do have Ava on them but if you have the letter "A" or "Ava" monogrammed items please feel free to comment so we can come shop at your sight.

Oh and if your in search of some fabulous big bows like the one below and would like to swap some of those items please let us know because I'm sure my sister can be convinced to make a few, lol :) After all, the bigger the bow the more her mama loves her!

Have fun shopping!

- Aunt JoJo-

Be in Prayer...

2011-10-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

Hello, let me introduce myself. I'm Jordan, the writer of this blog that apparently fell off the face of the earth...or at least stopped writing for a while. My heart just wasn't into it. I've been battling a lot of internal emotions, a lot of happiness and a lot of sadness. I sometimes feel as if Satan is attacking me everytime I hear of a baby dying when it shouldn't, someone getting pregnant (completely selfish of me I know), someone not valueing the life they've been entrusted with. It feels as if he is laughing at me. Please don't misunderstand that I'm not happy over new babies or new pregnancies because I am but it's just different for me and I can't help that and I can't seem to control it. It hurts, plain and simple. I have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars to have to experience the same joy some get in 9 months but yet complain over the cost of diapers. I say all this to let you know that I'm not letting Satan win, I serve an all mightly God who is more important than that.

Now about the title of my blog. I have a friend, Amber whom I've mentioned before, that is trying to bring home her precious Anna Gray home but the Devil is definitly at work putting obstacles in their way but I know our God is much bigger. Prayer works miracles and I need everyone to join in praying for this sweet family and that they are able to bring Anna Gray home sooner than later. She NEEDS to be in a home where she is taken care of and loved just like your own children. If you don't believe in prayer than I would advise praying for this family and I just know you'll see a miracle happen before your eyes!

If you would like to be praying and show your support for Anna Gray and her forever family you can go to their blog at: Growing With Grace . I know they would like to know so many are praying :)

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

- Jordan

10 Day you Challenge

2011-08-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

I've seen this fun post that several blogs I follow are doing and thought I would join in the fun and maybe it would get me out of my blogging funk lately :)

Secret #1:

I love reading blogs! They are so addictive!

Secret #2:

Pinterest just might overtake my blogging addiction. For someone who is all about parties, decorating, and style, this site is my bliss :)

Secret #3:

There is a Sweet Tea Festival and I'm dying to go and luckily I have at least one friend that wants to too! It's definitly going to be fun at least to me. Now it may not help in my venture to drop my 10 glass a day habit but who cares. I don't really have a 10 day habit, maybe 8 :)

Secret #4:

My dream job would be to own my own bakery/cafe/boutique all wrapped into one.

Secret #5:

As much as long to be married to the one God has chosen for me, I also love my singleness. God has his own perfect timing and I strongly believe when you mess with that or try to make something work that won't then your playing with the Devil.

Secret #6:

I want my own little very badly. I know some think I'm crazy because I'm single but I also challenge you with another thought. Maybe just maybe this is God's plan for me, to be the mother to many motherless little's. He tells us many times to take care of the widows and orphans and I plan on doing just that.

Secret #7:

Along with Secret #7, I'm addicted to baby clothes, furniture, room ideas, and anything that has to do with Littles. Is it any wonder I'm single, lol! Luckily I have 2 precious nieces that I can make many purchases for right now!

Secret #8:

I'm very close knitted when it comes to friendships. I have about 4 friends (including my sister) that I tell just about everything too. They don't make me feel inadequate for not being able to be a mother that so many others are willing to do. They don't judge me and they listen and hold my hand when I need to cry over silly things. It's not that I'm not willing to make new friendships but no one will ever hold a light or place in my life like these 4 do. I think we were put in each others life for a specific reason and it's fun to watch our friendship unfold.

Secret #9:

I LOVE the grilled cheese at Chef's Market! Yes they do make lots of other good stuff but no on and I mean no one can hold a torch to Five Chef's grilled cheese. I'm pretty sure they are laughing at me on the inside when I order it to go!

Secret #10:

This past year has been one of the roughest years of my life. I've hurt like I've never hurt before but I'm surviving. Going through a hysterectomy single and 28 without having had a child is something that you can hardly find someone that relates. People can say they've been there and understand but I've only met one who never gave birth. It's hard people. Just when you think your past it, it creeps up but it's also what has made ME! The person that no one else can be though I guess I would be flattered if you tried...at 1st...then we would have to part ways :) God created me to walk this path and it's taken many years to discover ME and God's plan for ME but it still scares me to death each and everyday.

Hope you have a great day :)

Jordan

Amazed yet Humbled

2011-08-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that I'm amazed by all the good things that are happening in the Adoption world. Reading about families I follow finally being able to go get their families. A cousin who has waited years for a baby to come into their lives was blessed to receive a call on Monday that Eli was on the way. Friends who didn't know where the money was going to come from have had one door after another opened for them. It's amazing yet humbling. It does my heart well to see that though it may ache to hold my own little, God definitely has his own impeccable timing.

Listening to the words of Hosanna at the Hillsong United concert really brought that home last night:

I see the King of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest (x2)rics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/hosanna.html ]

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

- Jordan

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, although you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! " - Matthew 7:7-11

There's a Stirring Deep Within Me...

2011-08-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

I found a blog today when reading one of my favorite adoption blogs and it reminded me why God put it in my heart to love orphans. It's so incredibly moving and heartbreaking at the same time. While I was enjoying Holiday World with my family this weekend, while many people were sitting in the comforts of an air conditioned church yesterday, or enjoying a movie with their friends and families at the drive-in last night, a child went without food and clean water.

I encourage you to read this blog and I dare your heart not to ache for those who have so little. God may not stir in your heart to want to bring one of those children home but I encourage you to find an organization that you can help bring clean food, water, shelter, and medical supplies to those in need.

http://duaneandjenny.blogspot.com/2011/07/how-can-this-be.html

Love, Jordan

A Must Read: When God Writes Your Love Story

2011-07-27T09:55:00.001-07:00

As I was having my devo last night with my high school girls, it occured to me that I had not posted about this book like I intended to a couple of weeks ago when another friend of mine, Emily, posted a list of books that were must reads. If you've not read "When God Writes Your Love Story" and you are a teen, single adult, in a dating relationship, or just out of a relationship please pick this book up. It really has some great insights on the dating world and the future spouse God has chosen for you. I know that it changed my perspective.

An excerpt from the book:

As women, we are given a great gift. Our purity. And everything that makes us who we are emotionally—- our feminine nature, our sensitivity, our vulnerability, and our desire to give ourselves fully to one man——is part of that gift. Our purity is a treasure. It is so much more than just our physical virginity it starts with who we are on the inside. It is like a priceless pearl, tucked safely away in a protective shell, growing and becoming more beautiful with time.

In my dating relationships, I damage my precious pearl of purity. I felt dirty and used because of it. But the damage didn't happen when I " went a little too far" physically. Giving away this treasure started the moment I gave away my heart and emotions to men who were never meant to receive that gift. I had been careless with my treasure. I had allowed my heart to become battered and broken.

I used to think that the unbearable devastation of "breaking up" with a boyfriend was just a natural part of the dating process. But there was nothing natural about it! It was a pain God never meant for me to experience. The valuable and delicate pearl of me purity had been too soon from its protective shell, then tossed back, damaged and bruised.

How true are those words? We live in a world where its okay to call a guy your boyfriend after one date. It's acceptable to date as many boys as you want and flirt as if there is not another care in the world. Flirtation and casual touches may seem innocent but they are tarnishing the heart that God intended for only one other person. The sooner we embrace the idea that we are made for one person and rely on God to bring that person to us the happier we'll become.

When I read this book and kissed dating goodbye it changed my life for the better. I went from wanting "that " relationship in my early 20's that everyone else had to a person in my late 20's who is falling deeper and deeper in love with my God. It's like I told my girls last night when we were discussing the Proverbs 31 woman, if a guys wants to find me then he has to find God first. As the saying goes "A woman should be so lost in God, that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her". That is my philosophy during this season of life. I desire that the first I kiss my future spouse is when I stand before him at the altar proclaiming our life as one. Does it make me sound crazy? Maybe so but that's okay b/c I know God will give me the desires of my heart if I remain faithful to him.

Here are a few more quotes from the book that will make you longing for more, lol :

God: "I know you better than you know yourself, and I am perfectly able to bring this man into your life in my own time, in my own way... and I don't need your help."

Only leaning on our Faithful Father, and longing to please Him with everything we do will set the stage for a beautiful romance.

Immature love always compares and struggles with the security of the relationship.

How can we know that your love story will last for a lifetime? The answer lies in the kind of love upon which you choose to build the relationship. If we build it on the gushy stuff or base it on physical attraction, we most certainly are headed for divorce, coz one day you may wake up and realize those feelings aren't there anymore.

Till next time.

Jordan

Being Grateful

2011-07-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted but it's because I've been so busy this summer. I'm pretty sure I've gone none stop but it's been doing a lot of fabulous things including building a stronger relationship with the person who is number 1 in my life, God.

1) My first trip of the summer was with my family to the beach. I may be partial but God has blessed me with a pretty wonderful family. We've gone through a lot of trials over the last couple of years and continue to go through them but with each one we only grow stronger. I'm blessed to have a family that doesn't hinder me, doesn't hold me back, and let's me stand on my own two feet. Having a family that taught me the value of hard work is what made me the person I am today and probably why I'm going on close to 12 years now with a great company.

2) That great work ethic leads into the rest of my summer trips. God has blessed me with a wonderful job that allows me an income as well as vacation time to take some pretty great trips with my youth kids. We started out at Workcamp of which I was able to join the kids at night for worship. Workcamp evening worship is amazing. That many kids praising God can leave you in awe. It's always amazing to me when I leave an event and am so full I could burst, but yet I never really spoke. It comes from these kids!

3) Our 2nd and 3rd trips of the Summer were IMPACT. There are no words to describe Impact. Was it fun? Sure. Was it an awakening within my soul? Absolutely. Praising God with your arms in the air and singing without a care in the world can bring you to your knee's. Having youth kids pray over you and praying over them can leave you breathless. Having one of your teens come to you with arms wide open, in tears, asking for you to pray for them, is priceless. We developed a connection on a different level and brought about a change and desire in this group of teen's hearts that you would have had to be there to see it develop. This event was a God thing and made possible only by his will and it's an event that I'll never miss again.

3) The last trip we've taken is church camp. Church Camp was definitely interesting this year. We had another youth group join us which was great. We had 4 baptism's which was awesome and I walked away with a gift from camp that has continued to keep on giving. A broken hand. A result of a little too much slip and slide fun with the Pee Wee's, Mrs Debbie, and the girls. It was great and I'll do it again next year I'm sure. Minus the broken hand. Now let's talk about the best part of camp and the most rewarding when you've worked with this Youth Group as long as I have, Baptisms. It's one of our biggest purposes as christians, to bring others to Christ. To exalt his name and not our own. To give him the glory in everything and not in just our successes.

Tristan Wall - I've loved this little guy literally since he was born. I babysat him in high school and college and have watched him grow into a tween. It amazes me that he will be in the youth group this year and I can't wait to watch him grow in his walk with the Lord.
Heather Harbin - It's funny that at Impact, Heather and I had a few conversations at night walking back to the dorms or over meals. It is amazing when you get the opportunity to watch a girls love for the Lord blossom, even when she doesn't see it herself. I saw a change coming about in Heather at Impact and it made my heart so happy. Heather found her place within our group that week and I think that opened her eye's and heart to what more God might have in store for her.
Blake Denson - Oh how I love this kid. Blake has been in and out of the youth group and I've prayed a lot for Blake over the last 2 years. When he is on fire for God he is on fire. He brings an energy with him that get's everyone else revved up around him. He has some pretty amazing talents God has blessed him with that will work to his advantage as he does work for the Lord. I'm so glad he made the decision at the last minute to still come to camp. The Devil was definitely working hard to keep Blake away but God won in the end and I gained another brother in Christ.
Carlee Pritchard - My heart was already full with Blake's decision on Thursday night but when I saw Carlee get up and come over and tell me that she wanted to be baptized I thought my heart my burst in my chest. I love Carlee and I'm so blessed to have her as a part of our girls group. She is such a light to the girls around her and has such a beautiful spirit that Carlee is going to do great things. I just know it!

See what I mean when I say I've had a lot of opportunities to really build on my relationship with God as well as a lot of reasons to be grateful! He has provided me with a lot of opportunities this summer and I'm eternally grateful for each and everyone of them. I've grateful that he continues to allow me to work with these girls. I'm grateful that he continues to use me in a way that I couldn't on my own. It's amazing how when you put yourself aside and your selfish desires, God will work in your life. Some ways are small and some are big but you'll know it. Trust me, he'll tell you!

I'll leave you with this thought from Crazy Love by Francis Chan. If you've not read it then I highly recommend it, trust me I've read it 3 times and still get something out of it every time I pick it up!

A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the sin of pride is always a battle. Obsessed people know that you can never be humble enough, and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known. - Frances Chan, Crazy Love

Are you grateful to God for what he has blessed you with? Do you have a humble heart and are you giving the Glory to God each and every day or are you taking credit for the good in your life?

Jordan

Adoption Yard Sale THIS WEEKEND!!!

2011-06-29T10:24:00.001-07:00

Who's ready for another yard sale??? Me, Me, Me!

There are lot's of reason's why I'm so excited about this one in particular:

Any money that will be brought will go into a fund to help me become a mommy when God had that special little ready for me :)

My friend Amber is getting to bring her very own little home in only about 4 short months from Europe, Ms Anna Gray. Amber would probably say she is their little blessing from God but I would say that Anna Gray will be one blessed little baby when she's welcomed into this family. Therefore to help her raise $25,000 to bring Anna Gray home, half the proceeds from the yard sale will go to their family.

Now do you see why my heart is ready to burst!!! So that being said please help not only spread the word but please come out and either donate your precious time to help set up or help the day of the sale or just come buy things. There is nothing that can't be fixed up with a little love, care, and a can of spray paint or extra material :)

Here are the details:

Date: Saturday, July 2nd

Time: 7:30-2:00

Place: White House Church of Christ, White House, TN (yes it will be inside and not in the scorching 100 degree temps that are headed our way)

Want to help?

You can comment on here or on Facebook and I"ll send you my cell number. After all we are on the Internet and wouldn't want just anyone to have my number.

We will be setting up beginning at 5:30 on Thursday and will be setting up all day on Friday. Any items that you want to donate can be brought during these times or again call me and I'll arrange to have someone meet you to get the items outside of those times above.

PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! Everyone needs prayers warriors ecspecially those trying to help bring these precious babies out of orphanes and into their homes!

Share the information on your blog. Though you may not live in the area you may have readers that day. I know there are lots of Blog stalkers, I'm one of them, so I know someone may see this and come help us :)

Thank you again for all your love, prayers, and support and just because I can't get enough of her sweet little round face and mohawk, here is a picture of Anna Gray. How can you say no to this face now :)

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time & miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands.
--- Kristi Larson

What Do I know of Holy

2011-06-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

Can I say that I'm loving "What Do I know of Holy" by Addison Road. Read the words and listen below and I just know you will too!

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

Dear 16-year-old Me

2011-06-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

It's funny how I always pick at my youth girls about tanning and burning. If this video doesn't make you think twice about what your doing to your skin then I hope something does. God only gives us one body and we have to take care of it. I'm not saying you can't be outside or lay out in the sun. You just have to do it smartly, with sunscreen, hats, limited exposure.

I love ME!

2011-06-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

I'm loving me again and it feels good. It took one of my youth girls saying she missed "me" to realize I'm getting back to "me". I'm wrapping my arms around my barrenness (sp?) and I'm embracing my singleness because as David Platt says...

"Biblically, Singleness is exceptional". "Marriage displays Christ’s sacrificial love for the Church and her subsequent submissiveness. Singleness reveals that a Christian’s identity is in Christ, not another human, and it portrays that aChristian’s eternal identification is with the Church."

How awesome is that. God has a purpose for us and it makes me happy to know that in the last 10 years I've really been able to grow and do things as a person that I may not have done with attachments. Listening to devo's at workcamp last week really drove home to me that I'm doing what God has planned for me.

Is being single and barren always the best part of my day? No it's not. If we were living in biblical times then those would be two of the worst things that could happen to a woman. If I'm not careful then I easily get caught up in the barren part and feel myself having a lot more sad moement than happy one's. It's not easy watching your friends have babies and wondering when it will be your time, but then I remember how much more of a blessing it will be when it is God's timing. God loves me so much that he decided I would be much better at being a mother to the motherless.

He never said this journey would be easy, only that we wouldn't have to go it alone. Luckily I have God on my side as well as a wonderful group of family and friends.

This little Mind of Mine.

2011-06-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

To say that I have a billion and one things flowing through my mind right now would be an understatement. Those who know me would say that this is probably when I thrive the most. I like to have a lot going on. I like to stay busy. Just a few of the things on my priority list are:

Getting my decor together for the Relay for Life Survivor's Dinner on Friday night.

Getting the decor together for our Relay for Life Campsite.

Getting baskets together for a Silent Auction. Every dollar counts even last minute one's to find a cure for this ugly disease :)

I'm sure find another game for our Children's Ministry Summer Kick-Off party on Sunday. Rain or Shine!

Visit my fantabulous youth kids at night during Workcamp this week.

Catch a game or two of my little brothers.

Wrap my head around where I think God is pointing my Adoption plans.

Getting back to me. Finding my joy that was momentarily stomped on.

Let's talk about number 7 because I'm sure that one's got you as curious as it does me and is the biggest reason why I'm writing this post. I'm a big supporter of 147 Million Orphans and have several of their t-shirts, etc. as well as shirts from other families adopting Internationally. They are currently in Uganda. One of the countries on the Top of my list since day 1. Yes I said countries. I'm not stopping at one. I plan to have a home full of orphans one day :).

I have felt since my hysterectomy that I wanted to adopt domestically but the last few days there has really been a change in my heart. I really feel a tug towards Uganda. A tug stronger than I've ever felt. I will of course continue to pray about it until I feel the time is right before me to take the steps towards bring a child to it's forever home. I don't say all this to mean that I plan on starting this process tomorrow. It cost a lot to bring a child home and there are still a few things I need/want to do personally before I take this on but I just had to share what was on my heart. I strongly believe God puts things, obstacles, ideas, people in our lives to chart our courses. I'm putting my faith in God that he will take me where he want's to take me.

Number 8 is a big one. Finding my joy again. I allowed the devil to stomp on my joy and I let my light fade a little. I'm not proud of that. It caused me to seperate myself for a while and become more withdrawn with the exception of only a very small group of people. I let the devil win. Not anymore. I never have or nor will I begin leaving my life for wordly things and people. My life should be God centered and he should be the only that I should fear disappoint from. Getting away from my "life" for 7 days allowed me to do a lot of reflecting. I hope it makes me a better person and a better example for my youth girls. I live my life everyday hoping to set an example for these girls to follow. I choose my words as carefully as I choose my clothing and my makeup each morning. I only hope I instill some of those characters in these girls. Working with these girls will not only help restore my joy but ignite a new flame in my light. They are one of my sources of strength and they keep motivated on the course God has chartered for me. I can't wait to start our summer devo's and dive into what God has on our hearts. Watch out devil because I'm back and next time it's going to be a lot harder to take me down!

Now that you've seen a little bit of what is going thru my head, I'm going to get back to that list up above. Lucky for me it's almost all started and almost all completed with the exception of the last 2 which can't be rushed :)

Jordan

What I'm Loving Wednesday

2011-05-25T12:13:00.001-07:00

I'm joining up with Jaime for WILW this week.

Today's What I'm Loving Wednesday is going to be pretty short because I just have way to much left to do on my every growing To Do List before I leave for VACATION!!! Be jealous, I would be :)

I'm LOVING "Come Thou Fount" by David Crowder Band today! I've attached it below. It just makes me want to get up and sing and dance!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG5ZhFN1DXk

I'm also LOVING "Let us Love" by Need to Breathe!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JFV0ptixS8

What are you loving this week?

What I'm Loving Wednesday

2011-05-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

It's once again that time of week to make mention of the things that we are LOVING this Wednesday...

I'm LOVING that in less than 2 weeks I will be sitting on the beach taking a much needed vacation. My mind will be shut off and I'll have no responsibility for 7 days. Pure Bliss! I plan to sit under an umbrella playing with my niece or reading a book.

I'm LOVING that my friend Bitha (and Josh's mom) is recovering from her heart attack. It will be a slow process but she is still here with us and time is just matter of perspective when you look at the grand scheme of Life. Please continue to lift her up in prayers because they are without a doubt working!

I'm LOVING that Summer is here and sundresses are back hanging in my closet. I would choose to wear a sundress any day of the week over shorts or ecspecially pants.

I'm LOVING that the carnival is in White House this week! I think I just might have to snatch a child or too (SAVANNAH) and go so we can ride all the rides and eat carnival food till were sick since she is the only volunteering to go and risk her life with me :)

I'm LOVING that 3 kids that are near and dear to my heart in our Youth Group are graduating this week. They have taught me far more over the last 8+ years than I could have ever taught them. I know they are going to grow by leaps and bounds in their love for God and climb mountains. Their future is limitless and I can't wait to watch them in the future!

What are you LOVING this Wednesday???

One of Those Days.

2011-05-18T06:33:00.001-07:00

Today is just one of those days that you hear a song on the radio breaks you down and lifts you up and encourages you at the same time. I hate that I still have such sad days over the loss of my fertility and the children I should have been able to carry for 9 months. I hate that feeling this loss makes me feel ungrateful for what my God will provide. Sometimes though we just have to have those days. Holding it in does no one any good ecspecially me. I can tell when I've held it in too long because I have the urge to call my doctor and get a prescription for anti-depressants but then I have days where I silently weep all day and everything is okay again. My God is good and has provided me as I asked of him including my hysterectomy. Because of that hysterectomy I'll one day hold a child in my arms that I didn't have to sacrifice my life as well as that childs to give birth to it. God has a plan and I just have to be patient and wait for it to unfold no matter how impatient I may get.

Held
by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

-Jordan

What I love Wednesday

2011-05-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the week again, to mention the things we love, the things we are blessed with, or the things that just mean to most to us.

I'm loving that I'm in the process of trying to plan a vacation with my dad, sister, brother-in-law, niece, and 2 other sisters, and brother. It's slightly stressful trying to find a beach house or condo this late in the game that's within a good price range. The payoff though will be a week doing nothing with some of the people I love.

I'm loving that I have a lot of parties I'm throwing and/or decorating for in May. I LOVE parties and I'm going to love that beach vacation even more when this month is over.

I'm loving that I have lots of summer ideas and plans in the works with my fabulous friends.

I'm loving that in between all those summer plans, I'll also be spending a lot of time with my youth group. Almost 4 weeks to be exact!

What are you loving on this beautiful Wednesday? What has God blessed you with?

- Jordan -

Scentsy Give-Away

2011-05-02T11:55:00.001-07:00

I've always been a big Bath & Body Works plug-in fan but I had the opportunity to smell all the Scentsy scents a few week ago and I fell head over heels in love!!! My favorite scent by far is the Newborn Nursery so hopefully I'll win the give-away over at In this Wonderful Life.

You should check it out too!

- Jordan -

National Infertility Awareness Week

2011-05-02T10:53:00.000-07:00

Did you know last week was "National Infertility Awareness Week" and does anyone find it ironic that such a week falls so close to Mother's Day which can be a rough day for those who are unable to or are struggling to have children. At least for me anyways. I've wrote this post in my head a million times this week but never put it on paper because I just really wasn't sure how I wanted to write it.

Fertility is a precious thing that so many take for granted until they either no longer have it or struggle with it. I think as little girl's you grow up thinking that your going to have a husband, 2.5 kids, a minivan, and a house in the suburbs. Little do we know what's to come.

Have I ever had to struggle with getting pregnant? No.

Have I known since I was about 19 that it would be a struggle for me to get pregnant? Yes.

Did I think at 19 that in 10 years I would be having a hysterectomy? Heavens No.

Would I change things looking back and have tried to get married sooner and tried to have a child? Most definitely not.

I truly think this is the load God chose me to carry. It's not easy nor do I ever think it ever will be even once I start adopting. I think I will always wonder why God didn't feel that I needed a biological child. I think I will always wonder what my child would have looked like. What it would feel like to be pregnant while opening baby shower gifts or to go into labor in the middle of the night or to see a little body and heartbeat on a monitor that is growing inside me. Those little things that can sometimes be exhausting and tiring to some are the things that those who can't children only wish they could have.

I ask that on Mothers Day you say a little prayer for those who aren't able to be mothers yet. I ask that you pray for comfort and peace over them. I ask that you don't ask why they have tears on such a joyous occasion as Baby Dedication days or when you announce your pregnancy because as easy as it is for you to say "Your day will come", it's not so easy to hear it. I know God will bless me with a very special child one day but there will always be a hole in my heart for the child(ren) that I lost on October 25th.

I say this all not for you to feel sorry for me but to bring awareness and a little insight into what can sometimes be going through my head and possibly others.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. - 2 Timothy 1:7

- Jordan

What I'm Loving Wednesday

2011-04-27T19:49:00.000-07:00

This week I joined up with Jaime for What I'm Loving Wednesday.

This week I am loving that all of my family and friends are safe from all the crazy weather and still praying that my friend Amy Beth weathers the storm that is hitting Cleveland, TN as we speak.

This week I am loving by new pink sparkly Toms. One for One.

This week I am loving that I got to spend Friday and Sunday loving on my beautiful niece. I'm pretty sure she changes every time I see her and is growing up before our eye's.

What are loving on this Wednesday?

What I Wore for Easter Edition.

2011-04-26T19:20:00.000-07:00

Last weekend my high school Youth Minister had a status that got me to thinking. I didn't get his permission to post this so it may come down but knowing Brent he'll be fine with it.

is just being honest.....Sunday I will once again seriously question whether the tradition of new Easter outfits for church should be abandoned in favor of funding the adoption of a child or digging a clean water well in Africa.

This got me to thinking. It's a well known fact that I've become an advocate for orphans. So I did what I could do to make a difference for those kids who weren't getting new clothes for Easter, who weren't getting a visit from the Easter bunny, for those who might not even get a piece of bread much less an Easter meal. I took back my dress and kept walking past the cute wedges. I bought my first pair of pink sparkly Toms and donned my 147 Million Orphans shirt from their spring line. The money I used to purchase these items went to buy a pair of shoes for a child who doesn't have them and went to help fund the adoption of another child.

I'm pretty sure that though I didn't have on Easter Attire and dress shoes, God was smiling down on me. Through my Easter Attire I was a walking orphan advocate.

How awesome is that!!!

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
James 1:27

A Season of Change

2011-04-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

Another weekend has passed but it was one that will change how I celebrate this holiday forever. Many people view the week prior to Easter as one spent running around getting Easter Outfits, eggs, and goodies for Easter Baskets. They forget all the events that Lead up to the resurrection of our Christ. Good Friday is a day viewed by most as a free day off work, not as they day that Jesus was persecuted.

My Good Friday was spent this year, first at work and then at The Journey Church where my brother-in-law is the Youth Pastor. We spent the afternoon filling information packets for visitors/new members to take on Easter Sunday and then finished the night with a Good Friday service. The video that was shown was so incredibly powerful and really struck a cord with me. This is the life changing part. I don't think I'll ever look at Good Friday as just any other day that is spent with friends going to dinner, watching movies, or whatever else comes along. From this point on I will be in a sanctuary praising the one who died for ME. The one who made it possible for me to worship freely without being condemned from those around me. HE is the one that matters most, not the petty stuff that we allow to cloud our visions.

My Easter Sunday was spent in a church worshiping my God. Vic spoke about how we should be living for Christ 24/7 and how true is that. How many of us live that life on Sunday and maybe on Wednesday if we feel up to it. How many of us put on the face of a christian but are tearing each other down behind closed doors. Not me. Not anymore. I'm defending my faith and living for Christ alone. He has blessed me immensly and continue's to open door's for me and I truly believe if I was living how he wanted me to then there would lot's of roadblocks.

In between praising my God there was lot's of family time as well. I know everyone thinks they have the best family and friends and I'm no different. My family is pretty special. They are the kind of family that everyone is family whether we've known you 5 minutes or your entire life. I started out at lunch at Chilli's after church with Dad, Taylor, Lake, Sophie, Layton, Angela, Bree, Tyler, Darrell, and Savannah. It was yummy food and even better company escpecially sitting by a window and watching the sky darkening wondering when a tornado would drop. After lunch I headed to my mom's side for dessert. While everyone ate I got the privilege of feeding Ms Ava her bottle and giving her an Easter Basket from Aunt JoJo.

After that it was off to White House for the Kirby Easter Extravaganza. Angela and Tyler joined us there. There is nothing like sitting around eating yummy desserts while kids run around playing and catching up on life. We truly laugh and cry together over life's trials and blessings every time we are together.

My Easter Sunday was finished off by taking pictures of Kelly and her family for Mother's Day gifts and a cook out at my dads with Jessica, Josh, Ava, the Welborns, Darrell, Savannah, and a friend of my dad's and her family. It was a very relaxing evening to top off a very crazy weekend and I've begun looking forward to these cook-outs since they have been occuring on a pretty regular basis now that the warm weather is here.

God has definitely blessed me with wonderful friends and family who are there for me through thick and thin. I hope you were able to stop this weekend and appreciate the sacrifice he made for you.

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. - Philippians 3:10-12

Show Us Your Life: Organizational Tips

2011-04-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

I don't always, but this week I decided to link up at Kelly's Korner for her...

Show Us Your Life: How You Stay Organized

I'ts funny because if you had walked into me and my sister's room in high school then you would never have guessed that we would grow up to be organizational queens. I LOVE to organize and repurpose things in homes to freshen and change them without actually purchasing anything.

#1 Tip: Baskets &/or Tubs

I love baskets. They hold everything include all those little knick- knacks that have no home but you don't want them to be seen by everyone who comes in your home. I actually bought a cube shelf at Ikea last summer that I turned on it's side put my TV on it and baskets in each hole to pajamas, tank tops, books, movies, and lot's of other stuff. It allows me to only have one dresser and free up space for crafting :)

#2: Organize your Closet by Color

I know this sounds crazy but it's amazing how easy it is to put clothes away and keep your closet looking neat. It also makes it easy to find what your looking for if your in hurry. I also recommend shoe organizers. I have all of my nice shoes in shoe cube organizer's and my flip flops in a basket. This allows me to see what I have and again makes your closet appealing to the eye.

#3: Mini organizers

I'm not sure what they are called but they are the notecard size pendaflex style folders. I actually got this idea from my sister. I have slots for everything and it keeps my purse so much more organized. For example, I have a pocket for gift cards, personal receipts, work receipts, church receipts, coupons/discount codes, checkbook, deposit slips, etc. When you have something quick like this to pull out when your shopping, it keeps from losing things as well as your purse from looking like a disaster like mine tends to get.

What tips do you have to keep your home organized?

- Jordan -

He is With You

2011-04-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

What I'm Loving Wednesday (on Thursday)

2011-04-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

I'm late as usual but I couldn't let this week pass without a What I'm Loving Wednesday thanks to one of fabulous youth girls.

I'm loving that God provides music and lyrics to get us through our day to day lives. I love that I serve an all knowing God and I serve only him. I'm glad that when I might falter or start to doubt my own strength and faith, he is there to pick me up. I'm loving that he is the one I rely on to do that. A song that has really spoke to my heart lately and that I'm absolutely loving is "He is With You" by Mandisa. I need that reminder more than ever right now with different trials I've faced. I find as Mothers Day and our New Baby Dedication approach at church my chest gets a little more achier. I find that my tears are falling more often at the oddest moments. Just when I think I'm whole again, my heart breaks again and I wonder if

I'll be ever be ME again.

There's a time to live
And a time to die
There's a time to laugh
And a time to cry

There's a time for war
And a time for peace
There's a hand to hold
In the worst of things
In the worst of things

He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still
And your hearts are stone
Crying "God what'd you do that for?"
He is with you

There's a time for yes
And a time for no
There's a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There's a time to run
And a time to face it
There's love to seek
In all of this
Through all of this

He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
And He is with you in the ICU when the doctors don't know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you

We may weep for a time but joy will come in the morning
The morning light

He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space and you feel alone
And your worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes He is with you when you've given up on ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you

When nothing else is left and you take your final breath
He is with you

He is with you

Top 2 Tuesday....Top Things You Collect

2011-04-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to link up with Taylor at The Undomestic Momma and do the

Top 2 Things You Collect.

Numero Uno: Party Platters

I'm absolutely take me to a support group obessed with Party Platters. I have lots of them in diffrent shapes, colors, styles, etc. My absolute favorite one though is this one:

It's the one in the corner that you can only see a part of. It's fabulous and was not the cheapest one I've bought by far but well worth the $$$!

Numero Dos: Shoes

I LOVE shoes! Any kind of shoes. I have so many shoes for every season sadly that I could wear one pair a day and most likely never have to wear them again. Don't judge me. They're my guilty pleasure but don't worry, I've definitely learned to reign in my obssesion ecspecially since I want to bring babies home not shoes :)

~ Jordan ~

What I'm Loving Wednesday.

2011-04-13T19:16:00.002-07:00

It's that time of the week again and luckily I'm on time this week.

I'm loving that the older I get the more I value the friends I have.

Someone said to me a couple of weeks ago that the older you get the smaller but closer your group of friends gets. I like to think it's because you become more intentional in your friendships since that is one of my goals for the year :) I thank God everyday for Angela, Kelly, Brandi, and Jessica. They are my soulmates when it comes to friends. We text and talk to each other when we are sad, happy, have news to share, prayer request, or just want to talk. I'm pretty sure if you looked at my phone the majority of my text are used up by those 4 people There are one or two that could be thrown in there (Nixon). God has blessed me beyond belief.

I'm loving that I have almost completely stopped listening to anything but christian music. It wasn't intentional but it was and my life has been so much more blessed as a result.

I'm loving that I have the sweetest niece ever.

Have I mentioned that she smiled for me on Saturday night. She loves me but not near as much as I love her.

I'm loving that in less than 48 hours I will be spending a weekend with a bunch of teenagers that will be filled with praising God.

There is nothing more powerful than worshipping with a bunch of teenagers.

I'm loving that I love my singleness and am able to embrace it.

It's allowed me to experience a lot in life that I might not have otherwise. It's given me a confidence in my self and allowed me to develop a deep relationship with God that I know I would not have had if I was not in my current state of singleness.

I love that God has children picked out for me to love one day.

I may not know them now but he has a plan and I will be faithful to. I don't love the feeling I get when someone tells me they know of a person giving their child up. It's a major let down when you don't get that "this is it" feeling. I kind of compare it to being told your pregnant but getting a call right after and saying the test was wrong. I've had too many false positives in the last couple of weeks and to be honest it's kind of draining.

I love that everyday is a new day and hopefully tomorrow I'm going to wake up and my hip will be all better. A girl can hope right :)

Now that you know what I'm loving, what has God blessed you with this week?

- Jordan -

Nap Nanny Giveaway!

2011-04-07T11:32:00.001-07:00

Have you ever heard of the Nap Nanny?

I entered to win one and you can too! Head on over to Piece of Me for your chance to WIN!!

What I'm Loving Wednesday....on Thursday!

2011-04-07T04:40:00.002-07:00

I'm once again late to the game but here are the things that I'm loving this week:

I'm loving that I got to have dinner, shop, and help put this little girl to bed on Tuesday night.

I'm not loving the storms that made our office feel like we were in a tornado and made us lose power at home but I'm grateful for laughs it gave me maneuvering around Hendersonville to try to find Brandi and the girls for dinner to no avail but it let me spend some time with this family though Tyler was slightly psycho that night :)

I'm loving that I get to go to dinner for my birthday with all my sibling's on my Mom's side tonight.

I'm loving that I get to spend some time with this little girl on Saturday.

I'm loving that on Saturday that me and my brother get to celebrate our Birthday's again. I big puffy heart my family :)

I'm loving the spring weather we're having but it doesn't love me. Definitely having some allergic reactions going on as a result of this weather.

What are you loving this week? What has God blessed you with lately?

Blessings

2011-04-05T20:49:00.000-07:00

"Blessings"

by Laura Story

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet Love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home,

It's not our home

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise

Contentment

2011-04-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

That one word is a great thing. It's something that if there is anything I can say the adoption road has taught me then it's that I've learned to be content in everyday life. My desire to plan every detail of my life has washed away and I'm living in the moment.

I'm experiencing the joys of pregnancy pains as I journey down the road that will one day lead to motherhood and I'm content with that. It may be 9 months, it may be 2 years. I'm content with that.

Hello my name is Jordan Kirby and I'm content with God's will.

Being a Servant

2011-04-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

Being a Servant means a lot of diffrent things to a lot of people. Some good, some bad. According to Websters dictionary it can be defined as:

serv·ant

1. a person employed by another, especially to perform domestic duties.

2. a person in the service of another.

3. a person employed by the government: a public servant.

The one that sticks out to me is #2, a person in the service of another. As Christians isn't that what God calls us to do? Serve others. How many times do we talk about being a servant for God. About doing his work but yet in reality it's all talk? I know I can be guilty of that. This is a topic I seem to find myself in discussion about a lot lately. It really has gotten me thinking as to whether or not I'm "walking the walk" or just "talking the talk". Am I setting the example for our youth kids by having the heart of a servant? Am I putting God's will first instead of the desires of my heart? Am I truly listening to what he's telling me?

I hope so because how can I ask my teens to do these things if I'm not. I can't ask them to volunteer their time at the church and give up their sleep or time with friends if I'm not willing to do that. It makes my heart happy to paint at the church because I know that others will benefit from it. It doesn't bother me to give up my Saturday to fix up a foyer. As my grandfather would say, I'm earning my jewels for my crown. I hope that by watching and working alongside me and other adults it helps to instill that heart of a servant. I hope they learn that there is a much bigger payoff in the future than a themepark today.

The greatest among you will be your servant. And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted - Matthew 23:11-12

Do you struggle with having the heart of a Servant or does it come easy to you? Jordan

The ABC's of Me

2011-03-31T11:52:00.001-07:00

A-Age: A Fresh 29. Today to be exact :)

B-Bed size: Full

C-Chore you hate: Dusting...not smart when so much of your furniture is dark

D-Dogs: None other than the family lab Vandy that lives at my dads (for the moment anyway)

E-Essential start to your day: Sweet Tea

F-Favorite Color: Pink or Red depending on the day

G-Gold or Silver: Silver

H-Height: 5'7

I-Instruments you play: the Flute in Middle School

J-Job title: Agency Field Support Specialist

K-Kids: Hopefully in the Future

L-Live: Tennessee

M-My mom's name: Vicky

N-Nickname: Jo, JoJo, or Jordy

O-Overnight hospital stay: Hysterectomy, 4 days/3 nights; Gallbladder, 1 night

P-Pet Peeve: Loud Eaters

Q-Quote from a movie: "Just because you accept help from someone, doesn’t mean you have failed. It just means you’re not in it alone." - Life As We Know It

R-Right/Lefty: Right handed

S-Sibling: Sister Jessica (27), Brother Kyle (23), Sister Taylor (20), Twins Kolin & Kelsy (12), Brother Lake (13), Sophie (10).

T-Time you wake up: Normally between 5:30-6:00 depending on what morning it is

U-Underwear: Always!

V-Veggies you dislike: Turnip Greens and Tomatoes which I guess is technically a fruit

W-What makes you run late: Not deciding on what to wear until the 5th or 6th wardrobe change

X-Xrays you've had: What have I not had x-rayed?!?!

Y-Yummy food you make: Cupcakes and probably a few more

Z-Zoo animal: Elephants though I'm not very fond of the zoo, I have a very sensitive nose and the smells tend to get me, lol

Wait

2011-03-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

Wait by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried: Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate.... And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, we need but to ask, and we shall receive. And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry; I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, As my Master replied again, "Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine... and He tenderly said, I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give you all you seen and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint. You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I"m there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night, The faith that I give you when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly free, What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, But oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still....Wait."

A Grateful Heart

2011-03-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

This past month has been pretty big in my life. My first niece was born. We held another succesful fundraiser for our youth group. My adoption yard sale was this past weekend. All of this happened in the span of 2 weeks. To say that I was exhausted would be an understatement. If I thought my body had completely healed from my hysterectomy I was proven wrong.

As I sat at our youth devo on Sunday night, some words were spoken that got me thinking. Gannon talked about how christianity isn't always easy. It's hard the majority of the time. Making the decision on what to wear, what to watch on tv, what to listen to on your ipod that is glorifying to God is a struggle sometimes. Do I always make the right decisions in what I fill my mind with? No, that's what makes us human. That's were God's grace fills us.

All of this gets me back to my Adoption Yard Sale. I would like to say I was succesful but really think of it more as being blessed. Many people opened their hearts and wallets to help bring my future child home. As blessed as I was in the end, it was hard work to get there. I've, as well as a few others, spent countless hours over the last couple of weeks gathering items, organizing, and getting the word out. I wish I could name every person that helped make this past weekend possible but I know I would leave someone out but know you'll be getting a thank you card in the mail! I truly feel God chose me to adopt and this weekend just reaffirmed that. He never said it would be easy just that he would be there along the way. Adoption is definitly a rough road but I think he puts the success of weekends like these in our paths to prove it will be worth it and to reward us for for choosing to follow his plan with our lives. Bills are stressful, health problems are stressful, figuring out how to pay for the abillty to be a mother is off the scale but in his time it is worth it.

I do have to thank 3 people though because I honestly could not have not it without them. They gave up many hours, days, and months to help me and they are Angela, Layton, & Darrell. If I needed anything they willingly did it. Again, many people helped make it a success but I just had to point out these 3 because I can honestly say that without them it would not have happened.

This is why I come to you with a greatful heart.

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. - Peter 1:6-7

-Jordan

What I'm loving Wednesday...on Thursday

2011-03-17T04:45:00.000-07:00

Well Wednesday was busy and got away from me so today, I will be sharing those things I'm loving lately....

I'm loving that I have such a loving God. No matter what happens in life, he's always there for me as long as I do things that are right in his eye's.

I'm loving that though my week has had a lot more down's than up's this week, it's finally starting to look up.

I'm loving that though my week is crazy, I get to go see this little girl get her newborn pictures today. It's so hard to believe she is already 10 days old. Slow down sweet Ava!

I'm loving that I'm having a jewelery sale tonight at church to help raise funds for our youth groups mission trip. If you live in the Middle TN Area and love Premiere Jewelry the please join in the fun!

What has God blessed you with this week?

-Jordan-

The Price of Adoption

2011-03-15T09:55:00.000-07:00

The Price of Adoption
Posted December 14th, 2009 @ 8:02 am by Amy Adair

“How much did she cost?” the cashier at the grocery store asked, pointing to my daughter.

I nervously shifted Evie, on my hip and swiped my credit card. My husband and I had just gotten home from Beijing, China, with our new daughter and I wasn’t prepared for prying questions from strangers.

“How much did you pay for your car?” I shot back.

She wrinkled her forehead, frowned, and was obviously offended by my question.

“I’d just heard that it was $100,000 to adopt from a China,” she hissed.

“It’s not $100,000,” I sighed. “She didn’t cost a penny. We did, however, pay a social worker and an agency to help facilitate the adoption.”

As I headed back to my car, I had a sinking feeling that more people would ask the same question. I was right. The first week Evie was home, my dentist, a neighbor, and a stranger at the park all wanted to know: How much?

It is true, adoption isn’t cheap. There are a lot of fees that add up quickly. We paid for a home study, visas, passports, immigration papers, plane tickets, and hotels. Quite honestly, it is a financial sacrifice. But so are other things that people don’t question, like sending your child to college. People find a way to do it. Much like financing a college education, there are grants, loans, and federal tax credits available to adoptive parents.

I wonder, though, what’s the cost of not adopting? It was never God’s intention for children to grow up in an orphanage without the love of a mother or father. Clearly God weeps for those who suffer, especially the fatherless. In fact, in Matthew 19:14, Jesus berates his disciples for turning children away from him. Jesus invites the children to stay and declares that the kingdom of Heaven belongs not to the grown-ups but to the kids. It is one of the many beautiful pictures in the Bible that illustrates God as our Abba or Father.

It is also a call to action. Just as Jesus welcomed the children, he asks us to reach out to the neediest to the least of these.

Imagine what would happen if every Christian world-wide cared for orphans? I know not every Christian is called to parent an orphaned child. But I do believe that Christ calls every Christian to care for and support the fatherless. That could be praying for an adoptive family, supporting an adoption cause, or sponsoring a waiting child.

Financing an adoption isn’t the price tag that should shock people. It’s the cost of standing by and doing nothing that should leave Christ-followers speechless.

(Amy has written children’s books, a teen magazine column, interviews, and adoption applications. She is the proud mother to two boys who are 7 and 4. Her latest adventure led her to Beijing, China, with her husband Jonathan where they met their newest addition to the family, a two year old little girl. You can read about her life, faith, and the ups, downs, and joys of motherhood at www.1001tears.blogspot.com.)

Jordan

Children of God

2011-03-09T16:52:00.001-08:00

This is the song by Third Day that I talked about in my last blog. Adoption is a wonderful thing. Without another person being selfless, then I would never be able to be a mother and I pray everyday for God to watch over and bless whomever that person may be.

Children of God

Praise to the Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ
Our God and our King, to Him we will sing
In His great mercy, He has given us life
Now we can be called the children of God

Great is the Love that the Father has given us
He has delivered us
He has delivered us

Children of God, sing your song and rejoice
For the love that He has given us all
Children of God, by the blood of His Son
We have been redeemed and we can be called

Children of God
Children of God

A mystery is revealed to the universe
The Father above has proven His love
Now we are free from the judgment that we deserve
And so we are called the children of God

We are the saints
We are the children
We've been redeemed
We've been forgiven

We are the sons and daughters of our God

What I'm Loving Wednesday

2011-03-09T16:41:00.000-08:00

It's that time again. Time to share the things I'm loving and that God has blessed my life with.

I love that God continues to bless me on my road to adoption. On Monday I got an email from a friend that a church in White House was having a yard sale to help raise money for the Children's Ministry this weekend and they wanted to donate all of the items left over for my sale. How awesome is that!

I love that God continues to provide music that ministers to my heart. If you've not heard the song "Children of God" by Third Day you must. I'll probably post it after this one :)

I love that God blessed my sister with a safe delivery and a beautiful baby girl. Being able to be in the room with my sister was such an honor and a moment that I'll never forget.

What are you loving this week? What has God done to bless you?

Baby Ava is here!

2011-03-07T16:57:00.001-08:00

My niece Ava Elizabeth has arrived. She is a beautiful 6 lb 14 oz beautiful baby!

2011-03-07T16:53:00.000-08:00

God, pink or blue, I do not care
Its sex is neither here nor there.
I pray you see my longing heart,
...And in motherhood, let me take part.

I ask this out of selfishness,
But pray you grant it none the less.
I will do my best to raise them right,
To ignite in them your holy light.

‎And if it not be, Comfort me please.
Mend my heart and give me peace.
And help me to see and understand,
Your will is much greater than what I had planned.

Endometriosis Awareness Month

2011-03-06T19:18:00.001-08:00

Did you know that March is Endometriosis Awareness month? It's a disease that's near and dear to my heart. It affected my body for 10 long years. It is one of the factors that lead to my hysterectomy. I may only reach one reader through this post but at least 1 more person is aware of this disease and can be a support to someone they know may have it.

Did you know...

At least 5.5 million women in North America alone have endometriosis.

About 30 percent to 40 percent of women with endometriosis are infertile, making it one of the top three causes for female infertility.

This pain can be so intense that it affects a woman’s quality of life, from her relationships, to her day-to-day activities.

Currently, we have no cure for endometriosis. Even having a hysterectomy or removing the ovaries does not guarantee that the endometriosis areas and/or the symptoms of endometriosis will not come back. *** This fact scares me slightly

Many women with endometriosis feel alone in their struggle. Building a dedicated support system of loved ones to share in the struggle can make a world of difference for those who suffer from the pain or infertility of the condition.

-Jordan

Thirty Before Thirty.

2011-03-06T05:18:00.001-08:00

I've seen this on several blogs and decided why not. In a little over 3 weeks I will be turning 29, 1 year till 30. To some this bothers them, to me I say bring it on. It can only get better. I've transitioned from my early 20's to my late 20's pretty well and have enjoyed the diffrent life stages that occur during these years I think so why not welcome my thirty's with open arm.

Have adopted or be in the process
Take a Mission Trip
Weekend trip to Chicago
Have my car paid off
Survive Menopause
Rent a lake house for the weekend
Eat Sweet CeCe's everday for a entire week
Go a whole week with no Sweet Tea (yes I'm that addicted to it)
Give up something for lent and give it up the entire time.
Read 1 faith based book a month at a minimum
Get a tattoo
Get in the best shape of my life
Go see a movie by myself
Help a stranger
Open my heart
Go skiing
Go on a sleigh ride.
Meet my niece (yes that will happen tomorrow but I've been looking forward to this for a while)
Go to the pool/a waterpark without feeling self conscious
Be in the process or have bought my first house
Attend Women of Faith
Buy a coach purse
Take an impromptu weekend trip
Run/Walk the Susan G Komen 3 day race
take a class outside of my comfort level
Grow my hair to at least shoulder length
Let my nails grow
Go to at least 2 concerts
Spend an entire weekend doing absolutely nothing
Start a party planning business.

Some of these will happen, some of these may not. Some may happen in their entirety some will not. What this list does mean is that my last year in my 20's will be fun and interesting.

What are some things you would do before you turn 30, 40, 50, etc???

-Jordan

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-03-02T08:01:00.000-08:00

I have so much to be thankful for this week. These are just a few of the things I'm loving...

That this little girl, Ava Elizabeth, will be here on Monday! I can't wait for my little sister to be a Mommy! Carry a baby for 9 months is an experience I'll never have but being able to watch my sister go thru it has been such a big blessing in my life!

That I was able to find the perfect Spring Purse this weekend though I'm still holding out for my Coach purse that will just have to wait till my birthday.

I'm loving that I was finally able to find a shower curtain that I LOVE so that I could re-decorate my bathroom. It'so calm, relaxing, and spa like now! If I could just decide what I want to hang above my mirrors/vanity since I have such high ceilings then I would be doing great! If you have a quote or bible verse to suggest I am very open.

I'm loving that I'm able to pull out my sandals, leggings, and tunics. They are so cute and comfortable on non-meeting days at work

What are you loving today???

- Jordan -

I have promised you that all thing work together for your good and My glory. - Rom 8:28

What I'm Reading.

2011-02-28T12:23:00.000-08:00

I picked up a copy of "I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy" this weekend after recommendations from a few friends as well as following Angie Smith's blog and hearing her story. All I can say is that so far it's great. I actually had to put it down yesterday morning and not pick it up till last night because it made me so emotional but emotional in a good way. I can't wait to start back reading it tonight. I highly recommend anyone who has gone thru the loss of an infant, infertility, or those who are barren to read it. It's one of those books that's just good for the heart!

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I?m barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

"I Will Carry You" by Selah.

Till next time,

Jordan

My Own Little World

2011-02-27T05:38:00.000-08:00

I've listened to this song many times but it sounded differently to my ears today. I don't want to live for my own little world anymore, I want to live for a bigger purpose, HIS! I told the FCA students I spoke to on Friday that God tells us to take care of the Orphans and the Widows. He took my ability away to birth a child so that I could live that life. He made it were that was my only option. How awesome is it that God chose me for this journey in life? Many are blessed to say they have had a child, Iwill be blessed to say that I gave children a home that would not have had one before. I hope this song pulls at your heartstrings like it did mine on this beautiful day of the Lord.

Oh and something else is happening today at church that makes my heart sing as well, it's what I live for some days. Can't wait to share it this afternoon!

My Own Little World by Matthew West

In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population: me

I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts
I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see
Yeah,it’s easy to do when it’s
Population: me

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now
Outside my own little world oooh

Well, I stopped at a red light, looked out my window
I saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
Above that sign was the face of a human
and I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”
So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye
I thought how many times have I just passed her by?
So I gave her some money then I drove on through
And my own little world reached
Population: two

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I should be living right now
Outside my own little world yeah, yeah
My own little world oooh

Father break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors
and put Your Light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
That I could be living right now
Well I dont wanna miss what matters
i wanna be reaching out
showing the greater purpose
so I could be living right now
Outside my own little world oooh
My own little world yeah
My own little world oooh

Jordan

What I'm Loving Wednesday.

2011-02-23T10:00:00.001-08:00

I decided to link up with This Kind of Love at http://littledaisymay.blogspot.com/ for What I'm Loving Wednesday because I'm truly feeling the love of my friends and family when it comes to my adoption.

I'm loving that when I posted my plans for a garage sale in March, I immediatly started getting text, emails and comments whether it be to volunteer to help organize/work or to donate items.

I'm loving that I worship such an awesome God. When you truly turn things over to him he works miracles. I'm ecspecially seeing this in regards to my adoption.

I'm loving that sometime pretty soon my sister will become a mommy for the first time and my precious niece Ava will be here. Talking about God helping to heal my heart, this has been a big one. Watching my sister so happy after all she's been through and continues to go thru to get her precious gift from above makes all right in my world on some of my darkest days.

I'm loving that I found a crib at Ikea a couple of weeks ago on close-out. Who doesn't love a better deal than me plus know it's allowed me to think of this as a reality and dream of what I want my nursery to look like :) It's like this one but mine will be white. I'm heading in the direction of yellow and grey with a mod but shabby chic look and this will fit perfectly.

I'm loving that I needed encouragement yesterday in any form on any subject and I recieved a phone call from a friend with information from her sister to encourage me on my road to adoption! Talk about God working :)

I'm loving that Spring is quickly approaching. The thought of warm days and cool nights and dinners on patios makes my heart go pitter patter. Not to mention lots of Sweet CeCe's!

What are YOU loving today?

My God is Mighty!

2011-02-22T16:37:00.000-08:00

My blog title says it all, no explanation. My God is mighty! He has reminded me the last few days that I'm nothing without him and has opened doors that would not have been opened without him! This song really made me see that more clearly as I was driving home tonight.

All Along by Remedy Drive

It’s not everything it seems - the world and its dreams
Slipping like water through my hands tonight
All the things I thought would fill me up inside
Left me empty here - and now I know why

All along I was looking for something else
You’re something else
All along I was looking for something more
You’re so much more
I finally found what I could never see before
You’ve always been the one that I was looking for

All of my castles in the sand - washed away again
And I’m left back where I began tonight
The only thing that can ever fill me up
Has been right in front of me all the time

bridge:
I won’t miss you - I won’t miss you this time
I say I want you - yeah I want you in my life

Jordan

Gluten Free Diet?

2011-02-21T09:53:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to check and see if anyone has gone this route or currently is? I'm thinking I'm going to try my best to elimate as much Gluten from my diet as possible. One thing I've defnitely learned about menopause/hysterectomy at 28 is that you hit a brick wall. Weight loss and enery levels just come to a halt not to mention what it's done to my poor tummy. I hate second guessing what I'm going to eat and whether it will make me sick. Sorry if that's TMI but it is my blog after all :).

If you have any good info or pointers please share. They would be much appreciated!

Excessive PDA...

2011-02-20T19:28:00.001-08:00

This is a topic that has been bothering me a lot lately. It bothers me that teens think it's okay to hang all over each other, no matter where they are. The sexual innuendo's and language, both verbally and physically, really unnerve me.

When did this become acceptable prior to marriage???

When did christian adults that are in a dating relationship stop setting the example of what is worthy in God's eye's?

When did affections that were made for marriage become acceptable in dating relationships?

As you can tell this has definitely been on my mind. One of the biggest reasons is because I have youth kids that watch my every move. They look to me to set the example. How embarrassed would I be if my youth kids saw me leaning all over a guy. Pawing him as if he was an animal. There is not a name yet for the shade of red I would be!

If we are supposed to keep our relationships pure and holy in God's eye's until marriage, excessive PDA definitely contradicts this. As Christians we are called to be examples and a light unto the world. Within relationships we are expected to uphold a certain level of accountability and discretion, whether it is platonic or intimate. Everywhere you go won’t be filled with people you know and even when you are surrounded with people that are familiar with your relationship I believe that reverence for God and respect for yourself should manage your affairs both in public and in private.

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer

Psalm 19:14

A person without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken-down walls.

Proverbs 25:28

So think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the special blessings that will come to you at the return of Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:13

I'm ready for Spring and Adoption Yard Sales.

2011-02-19T05:42:00.000-08:00

In just a few weeks (most likely the 3rd weekend in March) I will be having my very first adoption fundraiser. Have stuff you want to get rid of then bring it to me! Seriously! I'll take anything and everything. I'll even come pick it up, just let me know. Don't have anything to donate, how about some bake goods? I'll take EVERYTHING! This is not going to be a cheap process to bring my first little home but through the generosity of some fabulous friends we've already got quite a bit of stuff to sort through and sale.

I'm so excited I could just about jump out of my skin!!!!

As a friend said last week, it takes a village to raise a child well it takes a village to raise money for one as well! Thank you again to all those who have been so supportive!!!

My God.

2011-02-19T05:16:00.000-08:00

One vacation + 2 weekend days = Winterfest with thousands of teenagers. Could I think of better ways to spend my vacation time and weekend? Probably not!

Last night during our session we talked about DNA and how God is in the smallest of things. How He is in every detail of our lives. What an awesome thought! Someone so big cares so much about someone so small as me and knows every move I'll make and even how many hairs are on my head. If you think you'll ever meet someone in your life who loves you that much then let me sell you a piece of land I own out in the middle of the ocean.

My view point in the last few months has really changed. Life has changed me. God has changed me. Sadly I think sometimes it takes something devestating, life changing to do that. Would I say that I wasn't focused on God before? No. I would just say it was a different focus. I'm falling back in love with God now! Who better than to be in love with than Him. I firmly believe that until you truly love God then you probably are going to have a hard time truly loving someone else.

Sitting in that room with all of those kids last night healed another little piece of my broken heart. Hearing those kids sing out to God made my heart swoon. Listening to the comedian made me truly laugh. Listening to the speakers made the ache in my heart stop aching just a little bit as tears fell from my eye's. The speaker spoke of how devestating it would be to lose a child, to pray for something so fervently and it not go the way you want it. I went thru all of that last year. In December 2009 I began praying with all of my heart after I left my doctors office that he would heal my body, make it whole. Allow it to serve the purpose of a woman. I prayed for the next 8 months every single day that he would take control and allow what would happen to happen. It did. In October I had my hysterectomy, shattering those dreams and hopes. On October 25th, I said goodbye to the child I would never have. Though I never had a child in my womb, I had always carried the hope of a future child in my heart. I love children with all of my being and that is why my heart is broken. That's okay because God is healing it. He has a plan for my life that is beyond all understanding. He knows every detail of my life and I can't wait to see what HE has in store for me.

Who knows? I may be another Katie but in the US. I may adopt lots and lots of babies and have my very own "JoJo's Orphanage". How awesome would that be!

Jordan

What Not to Say.

2011-02-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

I ran across this article from a website I subscribe to and felt the need to post it. Though I never had to go thru trying to get pregnant and being even more broken in that way, I have had to live with the fact for a very long time before my hysterectomy that biological children were not in my future. It's probably why I'm also ok with adoption, because that little piece of me always knew that's how I would become a mommy one day.

Infertility is a strange thing.

You can feel like you have totally dealt with it, moved on and not cried about it for ages and then someone says something or does something or doesn't do something and you want to curl into a ball and die.

Hopefully this article will help others on how to react and how not to react for those friends who are unable to have children. This article is for people who love infertile people.

Infertility Etiquette
by Vita Alligood as posted on RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association
here are some of my favorite parts:

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during

this painful time.

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.

The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

Don't Tell Them to Relax

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year.

Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.

Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone?

Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.

People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting.
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents

One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.

Don't Play Doctor

Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose, and reading an article or book on infertility will not make you an "expert" on the subject.

You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject.

The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about.

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.

The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.

Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."

I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.

Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.

Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we

discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption (Yet)

Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents.

However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose.

You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.

Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.

***************

So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care

Remember Them on Mother's Day

Support Their Decisions.

Hope for Today, Hope for the future.

2011-02-17T05:05:00.000-08:00

When Love Takes You In...

Thoughts on Valentines Day

2011-02-14T06:18:00.000-08:00

To me Valentines day is a greeting card holiday. A day for florist, Hallmark, and chocolate companies to make their annual revenue's all in one day. I've always wondered why we as humans feel the need to pick one day of the year to lavish the people we love with the same thing every other person in the world is getting. I think that takes the specialness (yes I created that wored :) ) out of it. I want someone to give me flowers on a day that I don't expect it. I want to be treated special on a day out of the blue not when everyone else is somewhat doing it because everyone else is.

I heard it said so well on the radio that though you may be "Single" your really not becuase as a christian your caught up in such a larger romance with God and his story and your such a big part of his plan. I couldn't agree more and couldn't think of someone I would rather be more in love with than God at this point in my life. He's gotten me thru some of the toughest moments in my life over the last year and still continues to. His blessings continue to rain down on me and everyday I continue to see how his plan is unfolding in my life.

"I kissed Dating Goodbye" and "When God Writes Your Love Story" are two books I would recommend anyone who is single, dating, or working with teens to read. The book didn't talk about not dating or falling in love. It put love in a better context, a better way of approaching it with all the craziness about love in movies, TV etc. you'd tend to get really lost on what it is really. Joshua Harris shared that he gave up dating. He came to believe that “the lifestyle of short-term relationships was a detour from serving God as a single”. Whaaat?!? I didn't stop dating because I wanted to use my time to serve, I stopped because I just didn't want to get into a rebound relationship. But Joshua Harris stopped dating because he started to question how his faith affected his love life. “The main point of `I Kissed Dating Goodbye' was “If you're not ready for marriage, wait on romance.”” The book further explained that there's more to your faith and your love life than merely not having sex or dating only Christians. It answers the question, “So how would you know if the time is right and whether he or she is the one?” Both books are love stories written by the grace of God. In the kind of world we have right now it makes you think “How do I actually find someone who has the same values or the right values? How do I find somebody who's going to love me till death do us part?

I can't wait to see what love story God has written out for me. I can tell you one thing for sure, it will be so much bigger than anything you'll see on a movie screen, Lifetime move, or novel!

Jordan

He Giveth More Grace.

2011-02-11T10:39:00.000-08:00

by Annie Johnson Flint

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added affliction He addeth His mercies,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving is only begun.

His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of his infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

A Few Thoughts on Valentines Day...

2011-02-09T19:08:00.000-08:00

February brings us many reminders of love. Valentine’s Day cards, red boxes of chocolate, a dozen roses, and a whole lot more. But is that really what love is about? Material things to give us pleasure? Or is it something deeper and much more meaningful? Love isn’t simply a feeling – it’s an action. Love backs itself up with honesty, loyalty, and forgiveness and doesn’t give in to fleeting feelings. Love is not proud and builds others up, because true love is something that lasts forever. God IS LOVE. He doesn’t love the way the world loves – His love is perfect and unfailing. God loves you because He loves you. It’s that simple, but it’s completely real.

I found an article I wanted to share. How fitting and true it is for any single person, young or old. There is hope in God and he really does have a plan for you if you trust him....

In a few days, millions around the world will be celebrating Valentine's Day. The sad part of this holiday is that teens are worrying about who their Valentine is and even younger worrying about if this boy or girl likes them. This Hallmark holiday about love has gotten so far stretched that the expectation placed upon our husbands is well - wrong. Where does the bible say we should hold such high standards for man-made holidays? So much so that we often are left with huge disappointment when we don't get flowers, gifts, cards, chocolates, dinner out, etc. I have been one of those wives who romanticized this holiday for years and would dread it coming - and put so much pressure on my husband that of course he didn't even want to try to meet the expectation I was setting. I don't blame him. Bless his heart, he still even with all that I have done wrong over the years wants to love on me with a surprise on Valentine’s Day {however, he loves to surprise me just because he loves me – and guess what I like that so much better than because of a holiday!}. No matter what it is - big or small it doesn't matter. What matters is that he loves me daily and puts our love above all else. No gift can replace or match that! In God's eyes - love is not about one day or evening. It is a commandment that we are to love one another - to esteem others greater than ourselves - to love our neighbors - to love God with all of our heart, mind and soul. I digress. Sorry!

I read a friends blog last year on this topic, and what she shared is something I feel so strongly about that I want to share it with all of you. I have taught about this before to my teen girl bible study, but never in this depth or length. We as Christians have gotten caught up in what the world views about love and dating. We have put God's standards and word behind what is now "normal" for the year 2010. I believe God speaks very clearly on this topic...you see - God says -

The bible is very clear about God's views on marriage, purity and what to do to remain pure until the day we are betrothed.

1 Peter 1:16 says , " you shall be holy, FOR I AM HOLY."

God has a plan for each of us and our children. From the beginning of creating us in our mother's wombs - God knows who we will marry, how many children we will have, what we will grow up to be like, etc.

This is what I commented on my friends blog:
As I think you know I taught a teen girl bible study monthly in our home. I taught the very principles of what you shared and our daughter who is 16 has NO desire to date at all. She is so excited to know God is grooming her husband that He hand selected for her - she doesn't want to ruin one part of that process. We have taught her that she is like a gift - a box with the most amazing wrapping paper on the outside -

that gets his attention but what he really is waiting to open, no one else gets to see but him - her heart is all for him - her mind, body and soul are for him too. If she keeps giving that away before she meets him - what is left for him to open on their wedding day will be like a rotten apple, half eaten and smelly. Who wants to eat from a half eaten rotten apple?

I am surprised by the number of Christian teens who are “dating”. I was talking to a teen boy a few weeks ago and he shared with me how his friends feel about dating and how far they are willing to go {be intimate} and still say they are pure. What I tried to impress on this young mans heart is that is the lie of the enemy who wants their marriages to begin with a blemish – or to use my previous analogy a huge bite out of their apple. I explained how holding hands is intimate. How giving away your first kiss steals that gift from your future wife on your wedding day. How touching in any way steals what is meant for your future spouse and marriage too. He listened intently. I pray daily for him and his friends to remain strong in the truth and protect what is meant for their spouse one day.

True Love Waits is just as important for guys.

We are raising our sons to protect our daughters and any girls they meet – to keep them from giving away a part of their hearts, mind and body meant for their future spouses. We have a few years to go before they are teens – which gives us time to train them to be gentlemen as young boys! Which I truly believe is when we need to begin teaching them the importance of waiting on God. Sharing His truths about the beauty of waiting on God’s best for them. Training them to protect their minds and how to handle the temptations all around them. We as their parents have a responsibility to protect them from all the traps on a computer too. We have every computer set with *net nanny* and it will not even let them see inappropriate photos by accident, let alone get onto any site that could cause them to stumble.

When I shared the analogy of the apple with Lexi and the teen girls I cried and cried and cried...because like many of you I didn't know and was never told to wait. Nor was I told God's feelings on dating. I want to cover every teen girl so deeply in His love and truth that the gift they can offer to their husband is the sweet aroma of Christ!

Just like this picture below - you can't see who he is - but you trust he is out there. You dream about what he will look like, talk like, what his job will be, how many children you might have and he is dreaming about if you will be his biggest cheerleader, respect him even when he makes mistakes, love him through the tough times, take care of him, cook for him and desire to keep your home a safe haven for him. Both of the dreams are what God places in our hearts as young women and men.

Because God made us for different purposes - one to protect and provide - love and honor and one to help/support - love and respect...for good or for bad, in sickness and in health till death do you part.

I was thinking about the clip in the movie Nativity Story - when Joseph and Mary are "engaged" - how Joseph was able to provide for Mary, care for her, build a house for her, and give her a good name. Joseph was not a boy with some silly dreams, nor was he off day dreaming or playing games all day, nor was he lazy. Mary was not a child either and her mind was fixed on God first. Both of them trusted and followed the word God spoke to their hearts - without question. They put their fears aside and trusted God. That takes maturity, wisdom and the desire to put someone else above yourself. They didn't date and there was never a discussion by her parents of what age she could do so. You see this picture below is God asking each of our children and teens we know to trust Him. Don't look around for who I'm working on for you - trust Me and when the time is right I will bring you, the perfect mate.

Together I want to build a realistic idea of marriage for our children. A realistic expectation of what it means till death do us part. What it means to trust God in the midst of trials and storms - not to give up but to ask God for the help you need to see your way through them. Not to depend on the world or anything it throws at you and to never seek what it says is worth something. God speaks clearly about us not fitting in once we choose to be a child of His - that we are to turn away from the things of this world and not strive to be like the world. We are to renew our minds and allow His word to transform us daily - moment by moment seeking to die more to self and be alive in Christ!

His love is life and breaths joy, peace and rest into our hearts and homes. His love is perfect and casts out all fear! His love endures forever, will never fail us and always protect us. His love is so great for us that He was willing to be 100% obedient to His Father and carry His cross to Calvary and die on it for each of us.

Every person alive today is offered His love - the most amazing love there is - perfect, holy and pure. Love that wants the best for us! Love that never stops! Love that sees us through the eyes of God - that although our sins clothe us in scarlet - He sees us as white as snow! Love that offers grace and mercy - every time we mess up! Love that is 100% truth and faithful! Love that doesn't keep records of our wrongs and is quick to forgive! Love that is selfless! Love that is gentle and kind always! Love that will give you strength in times of weakness! Love that will lift up your hands and strengthen your feeble knees! Love that will open the eyes of your heart to a life you never dared to dream and will bless your socks off every time you time you trust your heart to His plans and love for you!

This kind of love I speak of is worthy to chase after and wanting more of! This kind of love is the legacy we want to leave behind for our children. Not ours but His - that never fails them and is always there in abundance. Today, if you are reading this and have yet to experience this kind of love in your life, home, marriage or relationships - please email me and I will walk you right to most amazing love affair you could ever imagine. It is not in a box of chocolates - yummy as they are! It is not found in a card, flowers or a dinner. This love affair is with the most amazing man to ever live and is alive right now waiting for you to fall madly in love with Him - so He can carry every care, every burden and every need you may ever have - and love you while you trust in Him to do every single thing He promises.

Parents please take the time to listen to this sermon and share it with your husband - it is worth the time - there is no greater investment than the one we all make in our marriages and children. Click here to begin listening or save the link to listen later. After listening, I pray you will share it with your teen children - let His truth set you and your family free from the worlds view on dating! Pray about sharing it with your Pastors and Youth Pastors and leaders.

15 Ways to Charm Her

2011-02-06T17:03:00.000-08:00

15 Ways to Charm Her
Southern Living, July 2009 By Amy Bickers

“Want to impress a Southern girl? Just think “What would my grandfather have done?”

Number one: We still expect you to give up your seat for a lady. On a bus, at a bar, on a train. . . we don’t care where you are. Unless you are at a restaurant and the only lady in sight is the one taking your order, stand up. Now.

On a recent Friday night at a bustling restaurant bar, two friends and I waited for our table to be called. The barstools were occupied so we stood patiently, sipping wine and chatting about the workweek. When a couple nearby stood up, another woman – who had been there less time than we had – swooped in, reaching across us to put her purse on the stool. This isn’t the worst part. It’s what happened next: Her male companion then slid onto the other barstool.

Hang on while I do a geography check. Are we not in the South? If ladies are waiting for a seat and you have a Y chromosome, do you sit down? No, sir. No, you do not.

We know modern life is confusing. The roles of men and women have evolved over the years. As Pink once sang, “Shorty got a job, Shorty got a car, Shorty can pay her own rent.”
But come on, let’s keep some things old-school. My late grandfather- he of the East Texas upbringing, U.S. Navy captain status, and Cary Grant good looks – would never have allowed a woman to stand while he sat. And if you want a Southern woman to love you, neither will you. So, men, here’s a short list of things Southern girls still expect from you.

We still expect you to…

Stand up for a lady. Actually, this doesn’t just involve chairs.
Know that the SEC has the best football TEAMS IN THE NATION. Big 12 fan? Hmm, perhaps you should keep walking.
Kill bugs. Delta Burke as Southern belle Suzanne Sugarbaker on Designing Women said, “. . .Ya know, when men use Women’s Liberation as an excuse not to kill bugs for you. Oh, I just hate that! I don’t care what anybody says, I think the man should have to kill the bug!”
Hold doors open. This goes for elevator doors too.
Fix things or build stuff. I once watched in awe as my stepfather built a front porch on the house he shares with my mother. He knew just what to do, cutting every notch, hammering every nail. The project was complete by sunset.
Wear boots occasionally. Not the fancy, I-paid-$l,000-for-these kind. We’re talking about slightly mud-crusted, I-could-have-just-come-in-from-the-field boots.
Take off your hat inside.
Grill stuff.
Call us. If you want to ask us out, don’t text and don’t e-mail. Pick up the phone and use your voice.
Stand when we come back to the dinner table. ”Just a little half-stand is enough to make me melt,” my friend Stephanie says.
Pull out chairs. Wait, that’s not all. Scoot them back in before we hit the floor.
Pay the tab on the first few dates. ”If you ask me out, you pay,” Stephanie says. “If I ask you out, you should still pay.” Listen, guys, it’s just simpler this way.
Don’t show up in a wrinkled, untucked shirt. Care about your appearance but not too much. Don’t smell better than we do. Don’t use mousse or gel. You shouldn’t look like you spend more time in front of the mirror than we do.
Never get in bar fights. Patrick Swayze might look cool in Road House, but in reality, bar fights are stupid and embarrassing. You don’t look tough. You look like an idiot.
Know how to mix our favorite cocktail JUST THE WAY WE LIKE IT. Fix your favorite too. Sit down on the porch (it’s okay if you didn’t build it), tell us how your day went, and we’ll tell you about ours.

We'll leave the long list to the girl who falls in love with you.

Choosing to See

2011-02-05T05:09:00.001-08:00

This morning as I was laying in a hotel bed in Atlanta while everyone else slept, I suddenly had the need to get up and finish "Choosing to See'. I only had about 40 pages and boy did I need those last 4 pages, specificially page 259:

"There is a part of me that will be and is forever changed and diffrent because I buried a child at five years old."

"Now, that is not to say that I won't ever experience joy. I already have...in plenty of ways. I've had two children get married since Maria went to be with Jesus! What joy it was to see my children so in love and happy...true joy. Yet, what was forever changed was the fact that I was still go through those joyous times very aware of my brokeness and my sadness."

"It's really okay! In fact, God entrusted me with it. Why? Trust me? I don't even want to talk about the why question. But ultimately, God wanted to use our family to live out this kind of story here on earth.
"
"I only pray that when people see us battling it out and crying our guts out and loving till it hurts, that they know we are doing our best to honor the One who blessed us."

I think everyone handles grief and sadness diffrently. Some are able to talk it out, some need to go to therapy. Me, I read and blog. Everytime I've felt low or down during this journey, I'll open a book or read a blog and I'll find some form of comfort in their words, as if God is speaking to me himself. When I read the section above, I felt like Mary Beth Chapman was speaking to me but I didn't know how to convey those feelings. I'm joyous at the birth of babies, the cry of babies, holding babies but it's a diffrent kind of joy. It's a happiness and sadness all rolled into one.

I'm sorry by blog has been somewhat of a source of sadness lately but that's what make it my blog and the journey of my life. It's a place I can put my thoughts on paper when I'm not comfortable conveying them. Anyone can tell you I can very passionate and outspoken on other's behalfs but when it comes to mine, I won't always share them because I don't want anyone to hurt like I do. I don't want to make others sad.

After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ~ 1 Peter 5:10 ESV

Jordan

2011-02-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

"Transitioning from intellectually understanding the reality of loss to actually living in the present with the reality of loss takes time. It does not occur at the moment of separation."

Oh how true that statement is but how often do we as humans wish it occured a whole lot quicker!

Jordan

2011-01-31T18:59:00.000-08:00

Anxiety

2011-01-31T18:06:00.000-08:00

Anxiety: an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it.

To say that my life has been overwhelmed with anxiety the last couple of weeks would be putting it midly. The increased pulse they mention above, yeah I get that. It's actually so bad sometime that I'm worried someone can actually hear my heart beating because it's deafening to my ears. A few weeks ago, my minister preached on this very subject and the entire time I felt like God was speaking to me. The further Vic got into his sermon the faster my pulse got. It was to the point that when the invitation was offered I thought I might suffocate. I know that in time (or at least I hope) this will slowly diminish. I know that I'm trying my very best to hand this over to God everyday. I wake up in the middle of the night and pray. The thing is, it's not that I'm afraid to hand it over to God, it's that I don't how to hand this over. I'm not anxious over a job, finances, or any type of decision. I'm anxious over baby cries. I'm anxious over baby announcements, adoption announcements. Some days I'm perfectly fine and sometimes it overwhelmes me. I also know this is all just part of a process and I just have to be patient. One day I'll be me again, just a better, stronger version of me.

Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.
- William Barclay

Jordan

Favorite Quotes from Amy Beth...

2011-01-27T07:48:00.000-08:00

“A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she’s loved… cut off from love, rejected, no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower no one waters anymore. {…} But this same woman, who everyone thought was rather plain and unengaging, becomes lovely and inviting when she is pursued.” – Captivating, Stasi Eldredge

“I chose my wife, as she did her wedding gown, not for a fine glossy surface, but such qualities as would wear well.” – Oliver Goldsmith, 1766

Hope you all have a fabulous day because the sun is out and I'm determined to have a good day!

Jordan

To Be Comforted & Empty Arms

2011-01-21T08:01:00.000-08:00

These 2 post in one are from another blog I read and I just had to share it. She did a wonderful job explaining what it's like to go thru infertility. Hopefully she'll let me keep it up :)

To be comforted...

...is what most of us who have suffered with infertility desire. Unfortunately, the definition of "comfort" differs from person to person. After my last post, I received a sweet email asking if I might share what comforted me during our infertility and what actions or words served to be hurtful/less comforting. The emotional aspect of infertility is such a tricky thing. Some people who have been without means of birth control and trying to conceive for six months may never feel "infertile." Others, like me, felt infertile and began the emotional battle of the journey month ONE after a failed attempt to conceive. So, if you have a friend of whom you know is trying to conceive, one of the best (and easiest) things to do is ask how she is doing and ask for permission to check in with her every so often regarding her infertility. Then, listen to her share what she is willing to divulge. Some people may never want to talk about their infertility...However, I was so incredibly grateful to have friends that would call or question me out of the blue.

I'm sure the common belief may be, "Well, I don't want to bring up infertility with my friend or family member b/c I don't want to remind them of the pain they are going through." Let me just tell you, those of us who have suffered with infertility (or miscarriage, adoption loss, loss of a child) ARE in pain...every day, every hour, every minute. For most of us, the loss and grief never leave our minds. It hurt me more when my friends did not ask me about our difficulty conceiving...So, don't be afraid to check in with your friend or loved one...but, first make sure they are fine with you doing so.

I know I have shared about the book Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake...I absolutely LOVE this book as it has been such an encouragement to me over the past two years. In the book, she labels the friends and family members of those suffering with infertility as "burden bearers." I think that is such a fitting description! Those of us undergoing infertility, miscarriage, the loss of a child, and/or adoption loss really need burden bearers in our lives. We cannot go through this alone! So, please check in with us regularly...and then listen to what we are willing to share! ...more to come later on how to help comfort those suffering with infertility...(on a side note...I wanted to share a link to this blog post that I felt covered a great deal on what NOT to say to those suffering with infertility)

Empty Arms...

I have never known the loss of miscarriage or the death of a child...and some might say our loss is not really a "loss" at all. However, I know and firmly believe that grieving the loss of the child we never had is real and valid. Every month for two years, I grieved...I cried out to God...I begged Him to take away our pain...and to provide us with a child to love. But, the pain remained and we were left without a child. I could not understand why God would not want us to have this good thing...why He would not want our family to grow. Then, my thoughts turned inward and I began comparing myself to others who seemed to have no problem conceiving. As that continued, I began to feel like less of a woman. I started to believe a complete lie that there must be something wrong with me as a female and this was the reason I was unable to conceive a child (even after the doctors could not find a reason for our infertility). Once I dealt with my identity issues, I was attacked with another lie that I allowed myself to believe...that because of this "list" I had put together in my mind of "good things" I had done I, therefore, "deserved" a child. Wow...thankfully, God got a hold of me and I was reminded (in a loving and gracious way that only comes from God) that I do not deserve ANYTHING, but death and separation from Him...but, through Christ I have the opportunity to have eternal life and joy on this earth. God does not "owe" me anything!I wonder how many other women suffering with infertility have believed such lies.

I wonder how many women and couples dealing with infertility never open up about their struggles. I found that one of the ways God helped me get through our grief was by talking about it...with those that understood my pain and with family and friends that maybe did not understand, but were willing to listen. I am so grateful for those God put in my life at that time...I long to be used to offer the same encouragement and support to others ...God is a good...He gives us exactly what we need when we need it. Only He know best the plans for our lives.

Thanks Jill for your awesome words!

Jordan

Being Intentional.

2011-01-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

I've ready many blogs lately discussing their resolutions for 2010. One thing that has stuck out to me is the word "Intentional". It got me to thinking. It has really made take a look at my life and whether or not I'm "intentioal" in everything I do or am I just spinning my wheels in the same spot.

In 2011 I pledge to be more intentional in my relationships. I intend to be more intentional in my actions. I plan to be more intentional with my christianity. God deserves more than I'm giving him.

- I plan to be intentional in my prayer life and relationship with God.
- I plan to be intentional in praying for a husband.
- I plan to be intentional in asking God to place a child in my life in HIS time.
- I plan to be intentional in my relationship with friends and family. They deserve all of me not part of me when I have the time.
- I plan to be intentional with my work in the church. Focus on one thing at a time and follow thru with making sure a goal is achieved.
- I plan to be intentional in taking care of me and putting me first.
- I plan to be intentional with my youth girls. My whole persona will reflect that of a woman in love with God. My dress and my tongue will be a reflection of him.

The best part of being intentional is all the blessings that will come from it in 2011 and the years to come. Will I stumble? Yes. Will I feel like a failure sometimes? Absolutly. The best part? My heavenly father will love me no matter what!

Jordan

We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it.
Proverbs 16:9

Nella's ONEder Fund

2011-01-20T10:23:00.000-08:00

On My Knees

2011-01-13T09:55:00.000-08:00

Adoption Update

2011-01-13T09:28:00.000-08:00

Lots of people have asked if I've chosen an Agency or have begun the adoption process. When I do decide to pursue adoption thru an Agency, I have chosen to go thru Bethany. I've heard a lot of good things about them and have done a lot of research. I probably will pursue that route in the fall. Right now I'm willing to wait and see what happens while doing garage sales and whatever else I can do to raise money to help fund the adoption. Am I open to private adoptions? Absolutly. What happens, happens and if someone were to come to me today because of a situation they know of then my answer would be yes. God calls us to take care of the orphans and I'm ready to do that.

Jordan

One of those weeks...

2011-01-13T09:12:00.001-08:00

This week has been overwhelming. Their are so many exciting things happening on the babyfront with the people around me. New babies are getting ready to be born, more pregnancies are being announced. It's overwhelming. I know everything happens in God's time and I'm so happy for those who are being blessed but it doesn't make it hurt anyless. Everytime I think I've closed that door, it opens back up. I was asked in a conversation the other day if I thought I might be struggling or have struggled with depression since this all started. My answer? Yes. How can you not go thru such life changing events and not be. I remember about a week and a half ago driving home from somewhere and thinking to myself how much longer was God going to make me suffer? How much longer was he going to make me hurt? On the outside everything looks fine and I say no diffrently when I'm asked. Who want's to be burdened by the pain that I'm feeling. The anxiety that I feel when I hear about babies. The anxiousness of what is to come. I think as humans we want things instantly and on our time and how quickly we forget that it's not about our time. It's all about his. I know he has a person picked out who will give me a child. No matter the situation, no matter the race, no matter the disability.

Can I be selfish and ask you to pray for me and what this year holds? Can I ask you to pray that God bring me the child I so desperatly want? I'm opening myself up to what the future holds. I've even gone so far as to add a ticker to the top of my blog for the child I'm waiting for.

Resolution #1: Learning to Love Myself

2011-01-04T09:03:00.000-08:00

I was reading another blog and found a great article that the Writer Chic had read in Redbook and wanted to share it with you guys. Though the article talks about loving your physical self I still think it relates to loving yourself. Don't get me wrong, I love me and I love who I am. I just find myself now labeling myself as being barren. I find myself closing myself off to the idea of relationships because who wants someone who can't give them biological children. Yes I know that's not true but in my head it doesn't always feel that way.

I do know one thing and that is that God has that person picked out for me. I pray everyday for that person. I pray that they share similar goals and values as mine. I pray that if there in a relationship now that they respect that person the way they would be just as I pray the other person in the relationship respects the fact that he may not be her's to keep. I hope if I know that person now, that they see me as a person who loves God deeply and strives for God to be number one in my life. I hope I don't disappoint them in the way that a I dress and carry myself.

I hope to live this quote to it's full meaning in 2011, " A women should be so lost in God that he must seek him first to find her".

Now it's time to start putting those thoughts into action and loving me. Taking better care of me. Hopefully in 2011 I will accomplish this.

Enjoy...

Like most men, I love the fact that Thanksgiving is all about food, family, and football. I have no qualms about eating until it literally hurts and then lying down in front of the TV to moan softly while I nurse a glass of scotch, watch whatever game is on, and hopefully digest enough of the pain away to be ready for dessert. The elders of the group are afforded the respect of easy chairs and couches, while the younger men of our tribe are relegated to whatever spots they can scrounge on the floor.

But my wife, Karel — along with the other women in her family — has never joined this Y-chromosome ritual. She does not give in to thoughtless gluttony during the holidays, or, for that matter, on any other day. It's not that she's a paranoid counter of calories or fat grams, it's just that she is aware of what, and how much, she is eating. It's like there's an invisible finish line of food that only Karel can see, and if she steps even a few feet over it, every time she sees herself in the mirror for the next week she'll grab her belly and say, "Look at how big my stomach is" or, "Look at how much weight I've put on this week." Meanwhile, I'm making the best possible use of leftovers by sandwiching turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and green beans between two slices of chocolate-chip pecan pie.

The stories I hear from my guy friends go pretty much the same way. Their wives behave a lot like Karel, who gazes in the mirror and critiques every part of her amazing body. It's impossible for her to look at photos taken in the months after she gave birth to the kids without commenting on how "chunky" she was. She's forbidden me to hang up some of my favorite photos of her because she can see mysterious flaws or proportional eyesores that I and the rest of the world are completely oblivious to.

By contrast, when I look in the mirror, I don't see my faults. I stand there naked and make funny faces and flex muscles and never once see the pound or two that I gained over Thanksgiving — let alone the extra 15 pounds I've hauled around since my 19-month-old daughter, Josie, was born. All I'm thinking is, Hey, not bad for a 32-year-old.

Seriously, I understand that there are plenty of guys over 30 who are in much better shape than I am, but why would I compare myself to them? I might give myself a complex. Besides, I (and most of the other guys I know) realize that our looks played only a small part in landing our wives. Sure, they factored in, but they pale in comparison to our sense of humor, our ability to provide security, and that confusing, uncontrollable thing we call love. I may not know what it is, but Karel seems to see something in me that compensates for my concave pecs and deforested hairline.

I worry that she thinks it's different for women — that men fall hard for their looks, then expect perfect maintenance. But that's far from the truth. I may have noticed Karel initially because her personal-trainer-sculpted body had hills and valleys that would make Julie Andrews burst into song. But I'm here long after climbing every mountain because I fell in love with her funniness, her border-collie-like enthusiasm for life, and the nearly aneurysm-inducing sex. Guys may be shallow, but we're not stupid. We understand how the human body ages, and most of us have a fairly good grasp on the difference between fantasy and reality. I've never expected Karel to always look like she did when we first met. I thought she was stunning the moment I laid eyes on her nine years ago, and I thought she was stunning the moment she walked through the door half an hour ago — for very different reasons.

With the exception of a few tattoos, the Karel I married eight years ago looked like an alluring, 26-year-old blank slate waiting to be filled with stories, aglow in the possibilities of youth. But I imagine that staring at a blank page for the rest of your life would get boring, which is why it's so hard for me to understand how she can pinch and grab and criticize the parts of her that tell the best stories of our life. The scars on her belly, the changing shape of her breasts, the lines that are starting to appear on her face — these aren't imperfections; they're what keep me wanting to find out what happens next.

In a relationship where Karel is usually the sensible party, it's ironic that I'm so much more practical about body image. I know a day of gluttony won't kill me, and that health and beauty have just as much to do with your heart and mind as they do with your body.

So, reader, if somewhere deep down a part of you has always wanted to join the menfolk on the living room floor after Thanksgiving dinner, go for it. We'll share the scotch, we'll make sure you have a view of the game — hell, Grumpers might even let you wield the remote. And your guy will be thrilled to have your hot body stretched out by his side.

- by Redbook contributing author Aaron Traister

Resolutions for 2011.

2011-01-04T08:54:00.000-08:00

These are the resolutions I have for 2011:

1) Love myself more.
2) Grow deeper in my relationship with God which will go hand in hand with #1.
3) Adopt a baby (that makes me smile just writing it :) )
4) Pay my car off.
5) Enjoy as much of the summer as I can with my youth group.
6) Go to the beach.
7) Take a girls trip to Atlanta.

Some are pretty lofty, some are pretty simple, but in 2011 I'm going to make them happen. Check back later for more details on each!

Jordan

Thankful.

2011-01-04T07:28:00.000-08:00

2010 was a year of many up's and down's and would love to say that I'm glad to see it go but how can you be glad to see a year go that has made such an impact in the chapters of your life. Just some of the things that happened in 2010:

January - I declared on New Years that I was handing my life completly over to God and talk about a struggle each and every day.

February - Winterfest. Somehow when I set goals for myself and feel like I'm wavering on them, a youth event will pop up and drill those goals back home. There's nothing like hearing a teen challenging themselves to something to make you sit back and go "If a teen can do it then what's my excuse?"

March - I think this is the point that I truly handed it over. I didn't realize it until this past week and was able to reflect back but I defiintly believe this is when God was truly the center of my life. This was also the month that we found out I would be an aunt. How exciting, sadly it wasn't to be.

April - This is the month that started out great but ended on a sad note. At the end of April I became an Aunt to a little angel in Heaven. How great will it be to meet he or she one day. It also tested my faith. It hurt me to watch my sister hurt. So many times I caught myself questioning "Why God?" and then something would happen to make me understand.

May - It was an okay month. We had the floods that kept me pretty busy and not so focused on my detiorating health. I was on the Lupron shots, so basically in menopause. No monthly reminders that my reproductive system was shot. I was also praying for God to guide me on what I needed to do. Lead a life of barreness or continue the fight against time.

June - Probably one of the saddest months of my life short of April. It started out great with workcamp and planning for Church Camp but in the midst of it all my grandfather got ill. What was supposed to be a short stay in Hospice turned in to the end of this days on earth. I think God planned it that way. He didn't want me or my family to remember the home that we grew up in as a sad place but a home full of happy memories with him. My Papa was like a daddy to me and often jokingly introduced me to his nurses as his favorite daughter. I loved to just go sit with him. We didn't have to talk, I could just sit with him and all was right in my life at that moment. Oh how I miss him but am so grateful that we were able to be with him and talk to him until a few hours before his death.

July - Lots of good stuff happended this month. We went on a fun trip to Atlanta to watch the Braves play and for us girls to go shopping at Ikea, my all time favorite store. It was definitly the highlight of my summer. I don't often get to take summer vacations due to all the stuff going on with the youth so this was defiintly a treat. Even if it was listening to Layton for 4 hours, j/k :) This is also the month that I found out my sister might be pregnant but had to keep my lips closed for 4 long weeks, can you imagine?!?!

August - It was announced to the world that Baby W would be born in March. YAY! This would also be when I think God really started working on my heart. I was starting to feel a little crummy like something wasn't right and was starting to having issues with my vitamin levels, etc.

September - I knew for sure that surgery was coming this month. Again, just like in August, I just knew something wasn't right. I had a few cyst burst which should not have been happening. This meant that the Lupron shots which normally last a year had only lasted about 4 months. Not good. I spent the last Sunday in September in the hospital trying to get pain relief and spent Monday, September 27th sitting in my doctors office when she told me it was time for a hysterectomy if I hoped for any kind of relief. Sadly even at that point we didn't completly know how bad or how quickly I might need it. I spent a lot of time on my knee's that week praying that God point me in the right direction and that Saturday standing in the Welborn's kitchen he did. I was okay with it. Did it hurt, sure.

October - This was a completly chaotic month. I found out I would be the Aunt to sweet and precious Ava. We had 2 youth retreats and 2 youth events. I was getting ready to take a leave from work for what started out as 4 weeks, then 6 weeks, and I finally returned to work at 8 weeks out. Again, completly chaotic and in the midst of all of that my heart was shattering and God was healing it. October 25th I had a full hysterectomy. It's kind of ironic how God can take two sister who are extremely close, provide the gift of a child and take away that gift from another. I think though that this is how he healed me. It was also when I truly realized how grateful I am for the friends God has blessed me with. They were my rock this month. Jessica, Angela, Nixon, and Kellie sat with me in the hospital when I just needed someone to be there because laying in that room alone made me confront what had happened. They didnt' have to talk they were just there.

November - This was actually a pretty lazy month. I wasn't really able to do a lot yet. I just didn't have the enery plus my stomach was kind of cut open the month before which limited me. It allowed me the time to grow even closer in my walk with God and reflect on what I needed to change. It allowed to be still which I needed.

December - It was a very busy month. Lot's of family time and lot's of plan were made on my part. December is when I decided that a 2nd job was in my future. I want to pay off my car and save for a few other things so that I can either rent or buy a home towards the end of 2011 and then start the adoption process though I'm somewhat leaning on starting sooner just because of some recent things that have occured. I learned at the end of this month that I have to fully rely on God and put my hope in him and no one else.

As you can see, 2010 was definitly full of a lot of down but also quite a few up's. I have to say that God definitly added some interesting chapters to my book of life. I can't wait to see what is it come in 2011. I'll post soon on my goals or hopes for 2011!

Jordan

Is adoption God's provision for infertility or is infertility God's provision for an orphan?

2010-12-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

The title of this post is a question I saw on another blog and it really got me to thinking...

Is adoption God's provision for infertility or is infertility God's provision for an orphan?

I've know for many years that adoption would be in my future. My stepdad loves children so much that he used to joke about adopting a baby from Korea. I think that's where the seed was planted in me. It made me think about the motherless children of the world and how I couldn't imagine growing up with my mom and all the women in my life that have played that motherly row. They've encouraged me and helped me grow into the person I am today. Adoption was definitly a calling I felt.

Many have heard me say how I would love to give birth to a child, more so to have that experience of having a child grow within me and know that it was a little piece of me and my future spouse. After one, I planned or hoped to adopt as many children as I could afford. I partly think my heart has been so open to adoption is because I never knew whether or not being able to get pregnant would be an option for me. I battled endometriosis from the age of 18. Some women are lucky enough that with treatment it goes away. Me not so much. There are times in my life that I definitly think God is making me work really hard to prove my faitfulness. Sadly, I think some may have already turned away but not me, my stubborn streak is too wide, ha!

After going thru a total hysterectomy at 28 and single, I think that God definitly called me to mother the orphans. My heart is overjoyed at the thought of starting the adoption process. I've already got wheels turning in my head on how one day it will happen. I've got a yard sale for the spring in process to start my adoption fund. I don't want to pay for my baby each month. I want to know when he or she comes to their forever home then there will not be a burden of paying for them.

So in answer to "Is adoption God's provision for infertility or is infertility God's provision for an orphan?" I think that for me it's inferitilty is God's provision for an orphan. God didn't do this to hurt me or make me suffer. The world is what has made me suffer. The world is what has lead us to believe that if you can't birth children then you are destined to be an old maid. It's the world that has made people less thoughtful of those who are hurting during times of joy for others.

What do you think the answer would be?

Jordan

Patience means ...enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well! ~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Another Season of Life...

2010-11-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

My recovery is going well. I still don't completly feel like myself again. I know I probably never will. This has changed me as a person. It's made me stronger. It's made my faith stronger. Unfortunatly right now, I'm still absolutly exhausted. The thought of taking a shower is exhausting. The thought of brusing my teeth is exhausting. This is just another season of my life that will soon pass. Luckily I don't think it's one that I will soon forget. It has changed me for the better. It has made me start thinking of life in a diffrent way. Made me want to start making changes to be able to bring a baby home.

What has this season of life taught me so far? I need to slow down. Though it can be frustrating because I'm not able to do all that I want to, it has definitly taught me to slow down. I don't have to do everything, I don't have to run a marathon everyday of my life. Slowing down has allowed me to take care of me, physically and emotionally. It's allowed me to sit and cry when I need to sit and cry, laugh at the little things, and enjoy the moment! It has taught me to pick myself up and carry on. I let myself cry over what I've lost but then I quickly remember what is to come and what I will gain from it.

This season of life has changed me for the better.

Sad words are just another beauty. A sad story means, this storyteller is alive. The next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile. -Chris Cleave, Little Bee

Jordan

Hope Now.

2010-11-10T19:16:00.000-08:00

Have you ever listened to the lyrics of "Hope Now" by Addison Road? Truly Listened?

Hope Now

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter my from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

The words in this song have never wrang more true than the road I've been traveling. You see in February of this year I started feeling that tug on my heart from God telling me it was time to hand it all over to him. I would love to say I always have but I think just like a lot of people, I've always had a grip on that security blanket of my life. The grip was just enough to make me feel like I could have control whenever I wanted it back from him. Well this time that feeling just wouldn't go away. So I did it. I jumped in head first and gave it to God. Little did I know that it was the calm before the storm. The true test of my faith was to come only a short 7 months later.

I'm a firm believer that God makes things happen in our lives to prepare us for what is to come. He doesn't want us to hurt unnecissarily. Though sometimes it takes a little pain to see the rainbow. I think God started wheels turning in my head in December to see what I would do and what decision I would make. I chose to prolong the inevitable so that I could hopefully give birth in the future. Modern medicine worked...temporarily. In April I watched my sister go thru the loss of her first child. Talk about hurting. Wow! All I kept thinking was "Why God?". You have two people who are so devoted to you. Why would you put them thru this pain. Less than 8 weeks later I lost my grandfather. Again, "Why God?" starting creeping in. Holding his hand as he left this earth is something I will never forget. The quiteness of the room still haunts me at times.

I think these were test of my faith and how I would react. Would I remain faithful or run the other direction. Thankfully I remained faithful. I had to pull myself together and help bear the sorrow and burden of those around me. Though I was at times hurting, I felt as though my faith was growing by leaps and bounds. Sometimes it almost caught me off guard. It shocked even me sometimes when I though about what was coming out of my mouth.

In August, I started feeling slightly off kilter. My passion for orphans seemed to be at the forefront of my mind a lot. It was even to the point that I started questioning whether or not I even wanted to give birth but yet that part of me wanted that so badly. To experience that. To feel those little kicks inside my stomach. To hear that heartbeat and see it's growing body on that screen and know that God loved me so much he was entrusting me to grow a precious gift.

In September, I started noticing some changes in my body. Changes I knew weren't good. Changes that I had warded off for several years thru diffrent medications. It scared me. It scared me so badly that I didn't even tell anyone because I thought if I spoke of it then it would become a reality. Unfortunately at the end of September it became so unbearable there was no way to hide it. I layed in tears on a friends couch in pain not wanting to go to the hospital because I knew what was coming. I can still remember saying "I'll go to the hospital in a little while because I already know what there going to tell me so going now is not going to change anything". Again, was this God's way of preparing me for what's to come?

The great thing, now being 2 weeks post-op is that God did have a plan. I gave it over to God and trusted him to do with my life what he wanted. I trusted that he knew what he was doing and that he wouldn't push my to such a radical surgery if he didn't have a plan. Fortunately for me I listened, and I'm alive for it. Fortunately for me, he has found me worthy enough to take care of orphans. What a blessing he has bestowed. What a true test of faithfulness. Do I still feel like I fail him? Everyday. As the song says "Everything rides on faith somehow...".

Are you willing to let go and let God? Are you willing to let everything ride on faith or are you still following the plan that you have laid out for your life?

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Jordan

Happy Orphan Sunday!

2010-11-07T20:36:00.000-08:00

Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

The day I said goodbye to my Reproductive System.

2010-11-01T06:11:00.001-07:00

I'm still alive, I just haven't felt like blogging. I've gone thru so many changes emotionally and physically in the last week that trying to get my thoughts on blog would have been impossible.

My surgery was Monday morning at 7:30, which meant I had to be there at 5:30. Joy! The lovely part about being 28 and having a full hysterectomy is that everyone wants to know why. So you can imagine that I was counting down the minutes to when they would roll me back. I guess some people just don't realize what an emotional toll it takes on you to repeat it over and over. There were even moments laying there that I kept thinking, "Am I doing the right thing, Am I really ready for this?". The answer would be of course not. Who can rightfully say as a single, 28 year old that a full hysterectomy is what you want for your life. Luckily, it was exactly what I needed. I knew going in because I had to authorize both, that my doctor would try to do the surgery laparoscopically but would most likely have to do an abdominal cut depending on how bad it was when they got the scope in. I was bad. My ovaries were very swollen, covered in endometriosis as well as some pretty sizeable cyst. She told me Monday night that my ovaries might have burst eventually had they stayed in. Hearing that gave me a new sense of peace that I somewhat lost going into it.

I was in the hospital until Thursday, 4 days on the postpartum side of the hospital with L&D on the other side of the hall. There's nothing like hearing a baby crying down the hall to get your heart going. Who would have thought that the one place in the hospital that I thought I would never stay was where I would spend the first few days of knowing that part of my life was closed. While families were meeting the precious new members of their families, I was dealing with the onslaught of menopause. At 28. I knew it would come but not so quickly! Hopefully it's going to pass quickly because it definitly hits me at the craziest moments. I've always been a fairly pleasant, calm person who could control her emotions and bite my tongue when need be. I'm struggling with that now. It may be party due to the fact that I feel like I've swallowed a watermelon and have no clothes that fit. I love my clothes. It may be the fact that there are a lot of corny commercials that make me cry at the drop of the hat. It may be watching people around me experience things that I won't get to that still breaks my heart while at the same time so happy for them that they are getting those little experiences. The funny part is I'm not jealous of the babies because I'll get that. It's the 9 months leading up to their delivery that makes me sad. I'll never feel that first flutter, that first kick. I'll never experience going into labor. In time that will ease and I'm told that there will always be that little hole in your heart that will always be there, the ache will just ease in time.

Life will go on, and in time I'll have my own precious bundle.

Jordan

Smile Though Your Heart is Breaking...

2010-10-16T14:01:00.000-07:00

Smile, though your heart is aching.
Smile, even though it's breaking.
Though there are clouds in the sky,
you get by...

If you smile through your fears and sorrows.
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through.

If you just light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever, ever so near.

That's the time you must keep on trying.
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find life is worthwhile
If you'll just smile, come on and smile.

If you just smile.

This song seems to be the story of my life lately. I thought it would get easier once I made a final decision and I wasn't so lucky. It's only gotten harder. I think it's probably because the door is almost closed on a part of my life. Sometimes it's easier to smile and push through the day and tell everyone your fine because who wants to hear that you cried the whole 45 minutes it took you to get to work or that you fill like your heart is being ripped out of your chest. It's also the conversations with family members that are completly unexpected but leave you hopeful and feeling better about the decision you've made that also bring tears to your eye's. It's getting to help your sister plan her nursery that makes you smile though you know it will be a while before it's your turn to do it.

As the song says "If you smile through your fears and sorrows. Smile and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through." I'm waiting for my sunshine to come thru which I'm sure it will. I can't wait for the day when a baby is place in my arms and will be forever mine. It's what keeps me focused on the days to come and the future God has in store for me.

Jordan

Life Changing...

2010-10-06T20:11:00.001-07:00

I've come to a life changing decision and that is I will be having a hysterectomy. It's time. My body is still fighting itself and I'm tired of the fight, physically and emotionally. Right now I'm at peace with it. Now after surgery, that's the part that scares me. I'm afraid I'll be an absolute trainwreck when I know that I've closed that chapter in my life. A chapter in my life that never had the opportunity to be opened. It really stinks but I think there are far worse things in life like dying. At least I will get to lead a normal, healthy life.

Instead of dreaming of the day that I'll get to carry a child for 9 months, I get to dream of where my future child will come from. Will my child bear the scars of a country that doesn't cherish it's presence? Will my child be born to a teenage mother? A drug addict? The best part? It will be mine! It doesn't matter that my blood will not thru it's tiny veins. It will be mine! It doesn't matter that my child won't look like me or possibly not have the same skin color. It will be mine.

God is great and all knowing and I can't help but think that he has a plan for me and this is just one of the trials that I have to face. I can't help but think that God has a special person out there for me who will understand me and my trials and love me for who I am. He won't care that I can't provide him a biological child. He'll love me for me.

As much as I can't wait to see what my future holds I'm still having a hard time letting go of the dream I've had since a small child. Pray for me. This isn't going to be an easy road but then he never promised it would.

"God is able to do immeasurably more than all you can ask or imagine." - Ephesians 3:20

Jordan

I Would Die for That...

2010-09-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like a Ticking Time Bomb???

2010-09-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

Interesting Title huh? Well that's exactly what I feel like at this exact moment. Not in a "I'm going to go all crazy on someone" but in a "I might burst into tears and you don't know why" kind of moment. If you are friends with me on Facebook or in real life of course but haven't seen me then you might not know why or maybe you've seen me and I've been quiet because the more I ignore it the more it will go away right? At least until I get the shooting pains and burning sensation in my abdoment that knocked on my door Sunday and has not left me yet are a quick reminder that I still have a tought road ahead.

Basically: I need a hysterectomy.

How can one word drudge up so many emotions when it means I wouldn't have to hurt anymore? Probably because though it will give my body the physical rest and pain free existence that it craves it doesn't do the same for emotional well being. Hearing those words feels like I'm closing a chapter in my life that I never got a chance to explore. Something I've craved since I could carry a baby doll around. I can't have that and it hurts. Deeper than I thought anything could ever hurt. I've cried and cried and cried some more. One minute I'm happy and the next I feel like I've been tossed into a storm.

How do you make the decision to change your life so drastically? How do you make that decision when you've not met that special person that God has made just for you? How will I explain to that person that I can't give him children, at least not one that will carry his genes. How will I do that?

In two weeks I'm going to go in for a laprascopic procedue to see what else we might can do. Maybe even lose an ovary and see how my body copes and handles that. It will either offer me a few months pain free or it will increase my pain when my other ovary has to work in overdrive to compensate. Right now I'm in overdrive. Not a comfortable feeling.

It's nights like last night when I was curled in a ball, breaking into a cold sweat, and nauseated from 12:40 -3:30 in pain after taking 2 percocets only 2 hours before that I can wake up the next morning and say schedule me tomorrow for a Hysterectomy. Get all of this out of me!

It's moments when you see friends expecting and enjoying their littles that break your heart and make me want to cling to a reproductive system that is tired and hurting me.

All that I ask is for you to please keep me in your prayers. This isn't going to be an easy decision to make. I have lots of people offering lots of opinions and it's a lot to take in when you just want to sit in your little corner and cry. Cry about the person you were and feel like is slipping away. the person you don't want to lose, the person you don't want to become. I've vowed not to be the person that is not happy every time a friend becomes pregnant and brings a new child into the world. I won't be envious of others happiness. It's not me but if I'm not careful it will become me because I'll be happy on the outside but hurting on the inside. So again if I'm diffrent don't take it personally, I'm just trying to figure this all out. I can't make any promises that I won't cry over the little things that seem so trivial or cry just because you say Hello. I'm trying to get my emotions under control .

I'm trying.

Jordan

Healing

2010-09-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

One of the questions in our Small Group tonight was "Have you witnessed someone find joy and healing thru Christ?" (I paraphrased of course). The more I thought about the more I thought about my own life since Logan was born. I think he was my joy and healing. I've always battled endometriosis as well as ovarian cyst, from surgery to medicine to medically induced menoupauses (twice). Some people who have endo have surgery and go onto have children with no problem. Some people are never able to get pregnant without medical assistance. Some women with endo never have children. I'm in the not sure column but the you need a hysterectomy column. Not a fun spot.

You see when Logan was born I was one of the fortunate friends that got to be with Kelly when she met Logan for the first time. He wrapped his fingers around my heart when he wrapped his tiny fingers around my finger. He taught me that I could love any child as if it was my own. I think God used Logan to teach me that know that in December I would be told that a hysterectomy was recommended. He knew I needed a Logan in my life when I looked at the doctor and said God works miracles and though I felt like I had had my share of them I was still holding out for one more. Logan is one of the reasons why I can't wait to pursue adoption. Children are born into your heart and I know that there are plenty of children in the world that need someone to hold their heart and hands.

God definitly has a plan in store for my future and thinks to the love of a little boy my heart is now healed and full of joy. Those who read this blog and post words of encouragment have also healed my heart and helped in replenishing the joy! I can't wait to see what is in store and hope you are all along for the ride.

Jordan