National Infertility Awareness Week

Did you know last week was "National Infertility Awareness Week" and does anyone find it ironic that such a week falls so close to Mother's Day which can be a rough day for those who are unable to or are struggling to have children. At least for me anyways. I've wrote this post in my head a million times this week but never put it on paper because I just really wasn't sure how I wanted to write it.

Fertility is a precious thing that so many take for granted until they either no longer have it or struggle with it. I think as little girl's you grow up thinking that your going to have a husband, 2.5 kids, a minivan, and a house in the suburbs. Little do we know what's to come.

• Have I ever had to struggle with getting pregnant? No.



• Have I known since I was about 19 that it would be a struggle for me to get pregnant? Yes.



• Did I think at 19 that in 10 years I would be having a hysterectomy? Heavens No.



• Would I change things looking back and have tried to get married sooner and tried to have a child? Most definitely not.

I truly think this is the load God chose me to carry. It's not easy nor do I ever think it ever will be even once I start adopting. I think I will always wonder why God didn't feel that I needed a biological child. I think I will always wonder what my child would have looked like. What it would feel like to be pregnant while opening baby shower gifts or to go into labor in the middle of the night or to see a little body and heartbeat on a monitor that is growing inside me. Those little things that can sometimes be exhausting and tiring to some are the things that those who can't children only wish they could have.

I ask that on Mothers Day you say a little prayer for those who aren't able to be mothers yet. I ask that you pray for comfort and peace over them. I ask that you don't ask why they have tears on such a joyous occasion as Baby Dedication days or when you announce your pregnancy because as easy as it is for you to say "Your day will come", it's not so easy to hear it. I know God will bless me with a very special child one day but there will always be a hole in my heart for the child(ren) that I lost on October 25th.

I say this all not for you to feel sorry for me but to bring awareness and a little insight into what can sometimes be going through my head and possibly others.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. - 2 Timothy 1:7

- Jordan