One of Those Days.

Today is just one of those days that you hear a song on the radio breaks you down and lifts you up and encourages you at the same time. I hate that I still have such sad days over the loss of my fertility and the children I should have been able to carry for 9 months. I hate that feeling this loss makes me feel ungrateful for what my God will provide. Sometimes though we just have to have those days. Holding it in does no one any good ecspecially me. I can tell when I've held it in too long because I have the urge to call my doctor and get a prescription for anti-depressants but then I have days where I silently weep all day and everything is okay again. My God is good and has provided me as I asked of him including my hysterectomy. Because of that hysterectomy I'll one day hold a child in my arms that I didn't have to sacrifice my life as well as that childs to give birth to it. God has a plan and I just have to be patient and wait for it to unfold no matter how impatient I may get.

Held
by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

-Jordan