As mentioned before, I spoke at our church's ladies retreat last Saturday. I did it with nervousness in my voice and strength in my heart and soul. It's funny that we can be so brave when speaking on non-personal subjects but when God put's it on our hearts to tell "our" story, our hands get sweaty and our stomach's start turning.
I've debated on whether or not I was going to put my notes on her but then I remembered that I said I was going to be completly honest in 2010. No blinders, no walls to hide behind. Just me.
First off I want to tell you how blessed I am to be here because I almost wasn't.
Stacy asked me to speak in January and I jumped on it. That night all of these fabulous ideas came to me and then I woke up the next morning and was terrified. I lead devo's with the middle school and high school girls every week and State Farm Agents all the time but very rarely have I spoken to a group of women about God and quite frankly started doubting I had it in me. As it's gotten closer God has placed a lot on my heart that made me more confident then last Wednesday happended. I got a call from my Aunt, sitting in a hair salon, to tell me that she might have lung cancer. My world stopped at 4:15 that afternoon. She asked me to call my sister and I kept thinking to myself, I don't know that I can, but I had to for my aunt. That night at church I told Stacy that I just didn't know that I could do it this weekend. I didn't know that I had the strenghth or the faith in me at that moment. We didn't know what was going to happen with the doctor’s appt's and possible surgeries. I was getting ready to go to Winterfest but didn't want to anymore. I wanted to be with my aunt because the thought of ever losing her made me crumble inside. I went to Winterfest anyways and a funny thing happened. On both Friday and Saturday night, a story was told about cancer and how God was going to take care of those people in his way we just had to keep the faith. Shaun from the 1st season of Biggest Loser (and a member of Watershed) spoke. Sign from God, you tell me? My desire to speak was slowly coming back.
You see, what some of you don't know is that in November I was battling my own fear of Breast Cancer. Two words that no one wants to hear. Ecspecially not at 27 when it seems everything is finally going how you want it to. I cried and I cried and I cried some more. I talked and talked to friends like I'd never talked before. Through doubting God I grew closer to him like I never had before. The friendships I had between Kellie, Angela, Brandi, and my sister were deepened and brought to a whole new level. They went to every appointment with me. I felt like I had my very own cheerleading squad. Brandi and Angela stood outside with Kellie on the phone and cried with me after my 1st ultrasound when they told me they thought it was cancer. They came and sat with me and met my Oncologist at my appointments. They cried with me outside of Baptist when I was told that right now it wasn't cancer but they would have to see me every 6 months to keep a close eye on it. I never thought having to see an Oncologist every 6 month would be music to my ears if it meant for now I didn't have cancer. They've sat with me when I also had to go to see my gynecologist during the same time and hear my ovarian cyst were back and I would need to go back into a medically induced menopause so that I may one day be able to have a child. Something that seemed to come so easy to some. And they were there for me thru text recently when it was recommended I have a hysterectomy which I kindly declined because who knows what God has in store for my future.
I say all this to explain what has happened in my life physically to make me grow spiritually closer to God. Most people I know, including myself, would never want to be crowned the “Biggest Loser”. Yet, on the show that is their only goal… the only way to win is to lose. I've become one of "The Biggest Loser's" in my spriritual life. I'm fighting a battle and winning. Just like the show, I have my team of supporters who will be there cheering me on thru each trial God puts in my path and will celebrate with me at each victory.
Hebrews 12:1 states …“let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…” Basically, we are to take the same approach with a similar discipline in our spiritual life. We should strive to lose so we can win.
The word “weight” in this verse is anything that is a burden/encumbrance in our life. In other words, whatever it is that is useless, or anything that is a hindrance. There are false belief systems and attitudes that will weigh us down spiritually. Bitterness, resentment, anger, stubbornness, or an unhealthy relationship or other strongholds that entangle can keep us from the Truth that will make us free. Weights can be put on and weights can be taken off. It is our choice!
On the television program, there are two segments: the Challenge and Last Chance Workout. For some of us, everyday is a challenge. Whether you have lost a child and the grief is unbearable and you know that getting out of bed to face another day is your challenge, or you are fighting a disease that you are determined to beat, or you are trying to overcome the bitterness and grief of a divorce. Those are life altering challenges. Other daily challenges may not be as difficult yet they present different types of struggles. The Challenge on the TV show will usually challenge at least one person’s fear and maybe another person’s endurance, but it challenges all the contestants in the area of strength.
Last Chance Workout is brutal! It is amazing that after a week of strenuous exercise the participants have the energy and motivation to work off more calories. Why? They fear the scale. They know that they will walk up the stairs and stand before the trainers, other contestants and all of America. The only thing that truly tells what they have done will be the number on the scale. Everything they do is for a number.
There are 2 verses that have always stuck with me.
Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness (Lam 3:22-23)
The other is John 14:27:
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
How true our those verses. God has his timing in everything. 2 Corinthians 12:9 states that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. What makes us weak physically will shape us spiritually if we allow it to. Sometimes in good ways others in bad but God is neverending and will always be in waiting when we are ready to let him takeover in both aspects. Our "exercise" plan is the bible and if the direcions are followed then it will be the most succesful diet plan you've ever been on.
I want to encourage you to ponder what is weighing you down? What “weight” do you need to lose? What is the challenge you are facing and do you need a last chance workout spiritually? What do you strive for?
Are you letting those who matter most see your inner workings and struggles? Are you allowing those who can be praying for you do it. Are you carrying your struggles alone?
Jordan
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