Anxiety

Anxiety: an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it.

To say that my life has been overwhelmed with anxiety the last couple of weeks would be putting it midly. The increased pulse they mention above, yeah I get that. It's actually so bad sometime that I'm worried someone can actually hear my heart beating because it's deafening to my ears. A few weeks ago, my minister preached on this very subject and the entire time I felt like God was speaking to me. The further Vic got into his sermon the faster my pulse got. It was to the point that when the invitation was offered I thought I might suffocate. I know that in time (or at least I hope) this will slowly diminish. I know that I'm trying my very best to hand this over to God everyday. I wake up in the middle of the night and pray. The thing is, it's not that I'm afraid to hand it over to God, it's that I don't how to hand this over. I'm not anxious over a job, finances, or any type of decision. I'm anxious over baby cries. I'm anxious over baby announcements, adoption announcements. Some days I'm perfectly fine and sometimes it overwhelmes me. I also know this is all just part of a process and I just have to be patient. One day I'll be me again, just a better, stronger version of me.

Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.
- William Barclay

Jordan